The Knowledge I Can't Live Without

I love the stars. I get lost looking at them. I long for what's out there and for who's looking down on me.

I love bunny feet.

Movie music is amazing. It inspires me.

I love the smell of a new book.

I love my dog's nose.

When I was little, I couldn't pronounce my Ls. I was Yindsey, and the cereal I loved was Yucky Charms.

It is a fact that cat feet and dog feet smell like popcorn.

My grandma made the greatest candy in the world.

I love the Old West.

My dog hugs me.

The wind rustling through trees and grass is one of the most calming sounds in the world. Another is rain falling softly in the night.

I couldn't live without music. I would die if I lost the ability to hear it, play it, or feel it.

One of the coolest pets I ever owned was a Praying Mantis.

I miss the smell of Hawaii. When I was there I missed the smell of home.

I love a good campfire with good company.

I have always wanted to experience the 1930s-1940s.

Disease scares me.

I can immitate a recorder flute by using my voice.

One visit to Disneyland erases years off a person's life.

I love that my cat is pink and white. I love her tiny pink nose and her soft, pink feet. She is pure and perfect. It is hard to believe that she is even real, because she is so beautiful.

I want to go to Australia. I am fascinated by it. I love that it is not afraid to be different.

I could stare at the ocean forever. I love the sound of it, the smell of it, the feel of the water lapping at my feet, and the feel of the course sand against my skin. I love that it has a story; some great mystery that is just waiting to be solved. I love that it has secrets. I love that if I listen close enough, it just might whisper one to me.

I love to dream.

I long to be loved.

When I was little my big dream was to be a comedienne. I even had a business card.

I was not popular in school. I realize now that none of that matters. I wish I knew that then.

I love the smell after it rains. I go outside and I take it all in, and it renews me.

Sometimes it's healthy to have a good cry.

I am right-brained and right-handed.

I open bottles with my left hand, and never my right.

I prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate.

I love to hear about my dad's stories of when he was in the Navy on a submarine, and all the places and people he met along the way.

I hate mass quantities of onions, tomatoes, broccoli, cucumbers, spinach, sauerkraut, and cauliflower.

I like to smile often.

My sister is my best friend.

I love listening to my parents tell their story...of how they met and how they fell for one another...at just 17 years old.

I collect stuffed animals, movie stubs, movie posters, clothing tags, bottles, and bottle caps.

The first major haircut I ever had was when I was in the sixth grade.

Seeing horses run lifts my spirits. Seeing them run in slow mode on film makes me tear-up. I love horses, and I would love to own one.

I hate to see animals harmed on movies. It kills me.

I was born in June. I drive a green VW Beetle. If I had a personal license plate, it would read "JUNEBUG." (No one steal that, please!)

The earth is so beautiful and so special. I want to do more to keep it that way. We have a great gift; let's cherish it.

I love anything vintage.

I want to find my own style and start a trend.

A few years ago I auditioned to be a Disney Character at Walt Disney World. I wanted so badly to be a Disney Princess. I didn't make it, but I enjoyed every part of it, and I learned so much. I instead got chosen for an Operational job, but I decided I was needed here...and I am glad I stayed.

I love my dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. One of these days, it just might come in handy as my ultimate secret weapon.

One of my favorite accessories is a headband, so it really drives me nuts when I'll be sitting with a guy and he tries to subtly pull it out. Uh, thanks...a lot.

I love Yoo-Hoo!

It would be cool if my wedding colors could be similar to a Lime Rickey...dark purple, silver, and lime.

I love The Killers. I find that their music always fits my life and how I choose to live it. They are wonderful and inspirational. I doubt I could ever live without them.

I recently discovered that I love red bell peppers and now I am hooked for life.

I figured out the official term for the type of music I love: "post-punk revival".

~~*This list is a work in progress.*~~

Get Sirius!

I love star gazing. It is one of the most fascinating things to do. If you want to have your own personal light show once the sun sets, look for the star Sirius. This is the brightest star in the night sky. Sirius is also called the Dog Star because of its prominence in the Canis Majoris constellation. Intrinsically, Sirius is over 20 times brighter than our Sun and over twice as massive. It is located 8.7 light years from Earth.

So how do you find it? First, you need to locate Orion's belt. This shouldn't be too hard: it's the three stars in a row. Once you locate the belt, follow it to locate Sirius by moving your eyes to the left, as shown in the figure below. Follow the three belt stars of Orion 20 degrees southeast towards the brightest star you can see. 20 degrees is about two times your fist at arm’s length. 

You'll know it when you see it: it is a very large, bright star and it twinkles all the colors of the rainbow. Yes, all stars twinkle, but this is extremely obvious because of its brightness. Sirius is a blue star but appears to change color rapidly due to the Earth’s atmosphere. Turbulence in the atmosphere causes the star’s light to be “bounced” all over the place. The light of the star is made up of many different colors which all “bounce” around differently. As a result, normally blue Sirius can appear to rapidly switch between many different colors when it is close to the horizon because its light is passing through more atmosphere than usual. 

Happy gazing! 

Amazing Things Can Happen

A couple of days ago, on March 25, 2009, I had a dream about one of my friends from school, Trista. We went to school together since kindergarten and graduated from high school in 2005. I haven't seen her since then and haven't been able to talk to her much since she moved to Twin Falls with her husband. 

In my dream, Trista was going to have a baby girl. Trista's belly was big and I remember her telling me it was going to be a girl. I was so excited for her and very excited to see her.

When I awoke from the dream, I had a very strong impression, stronger than I have had in a long time. It felt a lot like what happened a few years ago with Septimus. I said to myself, "I wonder if Trista is going to have a baby." It stuck with me the entire day, and I found myself thinking it often. "I wonder if Trista is going to have a baby. I think she is." It was just the strangest feeling. It's somewhat indescribable. 

Today, something amazing happened. I received a letter in the mail. When I opened it up, it was an invitation to a baby shower for Trista. She was having a baby girl. 

The postmark on the envelope was dated March 25, 2009. 

~ April 5, 2009 ~

Yesterday I attended Trista's baby shower. As a gift, I picked out a baby afghan my mom had made, and I asked her to crochet a baby animal for Trista's baby. I went through some of her crochet books and picked out an adorable hippo. I thought, "That looks like something Trista would like."

At Trista's shower, I learned that she loved hippos and had been having a hard time finding little hippos for her baby. I had no idea she wanted a hippo. 

Just another amazing thing. 

Rest in Peace, My Sweet Friend

Today I had to say goodbye to my fascinating pet, Charlie. He was a Black Moor goldfish and was absolutely beautiful. He was large with a long fantail and was dusted in gold and orange. Named after one of my favorite characters in cinema, Uncle Charlie from Alfred Hitchcock's Shadow of a Doubt, my Charlie was also one of the greatest characters. I loved him very much. And as I wrote about previously in the entry Mighty Companions, yesterday I had to say a prayer for this wonderful pet to die. 

I had been saying the exact opposite type of prayer for a week after Charlie developed Ich. I'll tell you right now, I feel this disease is a death sentence. The treatments for it always tell you that it won't cure the fish. It cures the Ich that is present in the water. I feel that the disease had too much of a hold on Charlie that curing the water wasn't what he needed. He needed much more. 

But the prayers for help weren't working. Charlie was getting worse. He wasn't eating or swimming, and his breathing was getting quite rapid. He looked terrible and there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt so awful that I couldn't help.

Yesterday morning, after I awoke from a dream about Charlie, I went to his tank and said a different kind of prayer. I asked that he be taken from me so that he would no longer have to suffer. Yes, I prayed that my pet would die.

It sounds so awful to admit that, and this is the second time I've had to do it. But what else could I do? Charlie was dying, he was suffering. Nothing could help him but the grace of God. I realized that my prayers for him to stay were selfish and were only prolonging his suffering. He needed to get better. 

The only way I could help him was to let him go. That was the hardest thing to do, but I know it was right. 

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.

Goodnight, my sweet Charlie.

Where Do I Go From Here?

This is a written statement submitted to the University of Idaho; written January 19, 2009.

Driving along the familiar country road that leads to Rexburg, Idaho, I catch a glimpse of the sun breaking above the jagged peaks of the Grand Tetons. The sun hits the vast fields of sparkling snow and the frost-covered cottonwood trees and glistens along the curve of the Snake River. My mind ignites with excitement and the desire to capture every moment. The Snake River Plain where I grew up is only a small, yet important part of what motivates me to capture nature and life through photography and design.

I have been creative all of my life, whether it be taking photographs, studying the cover art of my favorite novels, or looking at the world and imagining all the ways to capture, create, and share what I have discovered there.

At Brigham Young University-Idaho I decided to major in Communication with an emphasis in Advertising so that I could learn ways to bring my passion for design to life. But I cannot give all the credit for my creativity to only myself. My sister, Mattie, is the one who has influenced me the most. She has motivated me through her passion for capturing life on-stage as a playwright. When I take a step back and watch her making her difference in the world, I ask myself what I could do to make mine.

My sister teaches me to push through the boundaries of what seem ordinary life situations to find the boundless creativity that only lay beneath the surface. She shows me that nothing in this life is what it seems because beauty is all around me. It is up to me to make the choice to discover that beauty and capture it in my mind and my heart and bring it to life so that others may feel it. She reminds me that something created simply or even by accident has the potential to become a work of art. Where a plant in the beginning of its life is miraculous, the skeletal frame left in winter is just as captivating.

I love to photograph nature. It is something that can be personal and intimate. I am close with whatever project I am working on. I know I am capturing a moment that may never be captured again, like an iceberg in its final moments. Someone else may see the same object, but do they see what I see? Do they feel what I feel?

I aspire to incorporate my designs in the film and theatre industry. A few of my personal projects include posters for my sister’s future theatrical productions. Nearly all of my life I have been influenced by plays and movies and I am at the theatre often. Sometimes what grabs my attention the most is not simply the play or the movie but the advertising just outside the theatre’s doors. I usually find myself standing in front of a large theatrical poster in awe, pondering how the artist was able to capture the entire mood for a film; they have one chance to tell someone a story at first sight.

It is those moments—studying a theatrical poster or the design on the cover of a book, the way the light comes through a window or casts shadows through the trees—that I feel it could be me behind the camera making it all possible.

During my undergraduate studies at BYU-Idaho I worked extensively in Adobe programs InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop. I took courses in visual media, custom images, and photojournalism that included design tutorials and photo excursions. Some projects included a large framed poster and a portfolio website. These courses taught me the most about photography and digital imaging.

An emphasis in Advertising has given me a lot of background in design principles. I am currently the layout artist for a Google campaign as well as a business magazine. I feel that my time at BYU-Idaho was a great place to start and now I want to continue to learn even more about design.

I know that the MFA Art program at the University of Idaho will help me reach my goals and will act as a vessel to guide me to a higher level of creativity and learning. I want to continue to push myself through boundaries and continue to be challenged. I hope I can be changed and influence change in this world. I feel that the University of Idaho has the perfect atmosphere in which I would be able to bring my personality to life through design.

Whatever I do, I will always remember what has inspired me to achieve my dreams and I am forever in debt to those who have helped me get to where I am in my life. The photograph in my mind of the sun breaking over the mountains when I travel that country road will forever inspire me. I look forward with optimism at all the possibilities that lay ahead.

What a Dream Did for Me

A couple of years ago I had a dream about a lost member of my family. In the dream I came across a room and began digging in some old trunks and boxes. Inside them I found an old photograph album, and in it I saw a picture of a young man, in 1800s dress, leaning against a rail on what looked like a ferry. His face wasn’t entirely clear. It struck me in the dream that this person was very important. Also in the album was a letter from this young man, and it was written to me; he knew who I was. All I remember from the letter was the young man’s name and that he was telling me things I needed to do, and I knew that somehow I should know this man. Everything in the dream seemed to be clues about who this man was and where I could find him.

For a while, my search for Septimus Ridehalgh felt like I am chasing a dream, and that maybe he wasn’t connected to my line at all. I asked myself why I had the dream I did. I know it wasn’t telling me to find one person, but all the people I can who are lost in my family.

I was finally able to make the connection. I believe that Septimus and I are cousins from way back and share the same John Ridehalgh as a family member. It was an amazing discovery that I am hope is correct. But I remind myself that even if he isn’t connected in the exact way I believe, I still found someone who needs the promises of the new and everlasting covenant. His family needs them as well. There are at least twenty names or more that I can take to the temple.

It was all because of a dream that turned out to be an important message that gives me the opportunity to focus on someone beside myself. It motivates me to change my life so I can change theirs.

Mighty Companions

Loved ones are not always in the form of a parent, sibling, spouse, son, or daughter. They may not even be human.

As human beings, we were given The Fall. Because of it, we understand the differences of good and evil. Animals, however, do not know when they have done something wrong, but they do feel physical pain. As humans we can recognize when animals are suffering, and I believe these small souls to be an instrument through which the Lord eases human suffering.

My family got a Miniature Schnauzer puppy when I was twelve. We named him Zeke and he became an instant member of the family and my best friend. Before Zeke, we had horrible luck with dogs: they never seemed to be around for long. Zeke was different. He has been a part of our family for nearly ten years now, and he is as adorable as ever. 

A couple of years ago, I remember going outside to Zeke’s doghouse and noticed something was wrong. He was hunched over and he could barely move. He wouldn’t eat his food or drink any water. It tore me apart to see what was happening to him. He was in so much pain. It came across my mind that I might lose him. I was in pain because of his suffering.

My dad decided to give Zeke a blessing. I had never seen an animal blessing before, and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I knew that my Heavenly Father would heal him, and heal my breaking heart. The next day, Zeke tasted his food. We were able to get him some medicine and it was only a matter of time before he was back to his perky self.

I know that when Zeke was given his blessing, he was being watched over. His pain was eased, and mine was as well. God knows me, and He knew how much I was hurting. He eased Zeke’s pain and in turn eased mine. Zeke is an instrument through which my pain is eased.

Another small soul that helped me was a goldfish named Tangelo. He was my sister’s fish, and was bright orange, feisty, and had a wonderful personality. One day, Tangelo turned upside-down and stayed that way. He would swim all over the place on his back. At first, we thought it was rather funny, but he soon started to turn black. He looked very sick and he wouldn’t eat.  He just stayed upside-down behind his castle. 

One night, I was watching him. He looked so helpless and sad. He wasn’t feisty anymore and his wonderful personality was fading away. I was hurting because I could see that he was suffering.  I have heard that goldfish have only three-second memories. Whether this is true or not, I do not know, but I knew Tangelo was in pain. I said a prayer, asking for help. I said, “If he is suffering, please take him. If you need to take him, I will let you. It is in your hands now.”

The next morning, I awoke and knew his pain was over. Tangelo died during the night. It was hard to admit to myself that I prayed for my pet to die. I learned that my sister, in Provo at the time, had done the same. Through Tangelo’s pain and his death, I learned about my Savior's love. 

These small souls, and so many others that have come into my life, are a means by which my pain is eased.  They are great blessings and gifts from the Lord. They have such beautiful spirits: for anyone who doesn’t know of the marvelous spirits of animals, I feel sorry for their loss.  Animals are a wonderful and miraculous gift, and I know that these small souls are here for a reason.

Now is a the time to reflect on the special people and special animals that have been such an important part of my life and have changed my life for good. I know I will deal with many losses as I near the end of my own life. I hope I do not allow grief to consume me or forget to thank my Heavenly Father that I have been given the opportunity to know His kind sons and daughters and His beautiful creatures that have blessed my life and comforted me in times of darkness and pain.