To Every Thing There is a Season

Life usually comes full circle. Things don't just happen once or twice in a lifetime, but rather multiple times in one's life. To think that life can be measured out on one lengthy timeline seems somewhat ridiculous. What if my timeline looks more like a squiggly, or a curly-q, or a set of circles? Whoever decided that life is supposed to go in one particular direction? Life just isn't that simple.

I have noticed something happening with young adults of the LDS faith and it happens all too often and all too soon. Why do Mormons discourage themselves by placing life on a strict timeframe of things they feel they should be doing? Too often I've heard things like, "I'm in my 20s. I should get married. I should have my career going." Instead of thinking that it should happen, why not start thinking that it could, and that it will. 

Sometimes it is so easy to compare what we don't have with what others have. We think someone else has been given more blessings because they've found love, started a family, and landed a dream job all at an early age. We may think ourselves less fortunate when we haven't accomplished the same thing. 

One thing I have come to realize is this: it isn't that they are more blessed than I am. They are simply in a different season of their life, one I haven't seen yet but soon will, even if that means it isn't happening tomorrow. 

I am going to stop stressing. Those of you who are experiencing the same thing, stop stressing. Remember this simple scripture: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." We experience the seasons of life in different ways. It doesn't mean the leaves will never fall or the flowers will never grow. It just means it may happen at a time we never expected.

Facebook Friend

Facebook always asks me the same thing. "What's on your mind?"

Some people answer that they are baking bread, taking care of their baby, waiting for their college loan to come through, dealing with scary relationships or starting a new diet.

My response to Facebook's annoying question is, "Why do I care?"

When I was in junior high, besides blabbing on the phone--not a cellphone, I might add; it was hooked to the wall in my basement--the only thing I was concerned with was getting my own email address. I recall a time when my bandmates and I took turns writing our email addresses on the whiteboard after class for everyone to see. The number of friends on my MSN Messenger contact list skyrocketed. It was a big deal. I could chat with friends in one chat window and get the entire conversation over with quickly. None of this back-and-forth status updating, wall posting, photo commenting garbage. The only photo I had to worry about in junior high was my yearbook photo. And I never expected it to be any good anyway.

I've had relationships start and end over Facebook. One time the only way I knew I was officially in a relationship with this one guy was when he sent me a relationship request. It was also the only time I knew we were officially out of one when he posted he was newly single.

The worst turn of events came about when I took one girl's constant lovey-dovey status updates, wall posts, and photo comments as advances on my guy interest, who just happened to be a missionary where she lived. I had been writing to him faithfully for a year but once I mentioned what I was seeing over Facebook, everything came to a complete halt. We've barely written since.

The good thing about Facebook is that you get to keep a close eye on people. But how much do you really want, or need, to know? Why do we need all-access to other people's lives? Wasn't life so much better before?

I feel like Facebook is there to constantly remind us of the days when we worried about who got the most pages in the yearbook, who was listed as Best Couple in the Best Of section, and who was so dang awesome that you should either bow down to them every waking moment or stay out of their way. And now they are on your "friends" list. Facebook just fuels this idea of "the popular kids" and makes us question who we are and whether or not we are truly good enough.

I have been struggling with whether or not I should erase my Facebook account for quite some time now. When I updated my status that I was going to quit Facebook for good, I had one friend respond. I had my answer.

Facebook has never been a good friend to me. I've been there for Facebook many times, keeping my photo pretty and my status shiny. But when has Facebook ever been there for me?

Spending the 4th in New York

Museum of Natural History, stroll in Central Park, fireworks off the Hudson, The Killers playing at the White House... what a great Independence Day.

Summer...

Shorts, sunblock, cool cherry limeade, epic water fights in Porter Park and little tan lines on my feet. Welcome, Summer. You belong here.

Warm River, no-bake (mud ball) cookies, dog kisses, football on the lawn, mosquito bites. Yep. Good day.

Caught Up in the Crossfire

In honor of the great Brandon Flowers' 29th birthday on June 21, I bought his first single "Crossfire" from his upcoming solo album Flamingo. Call it his gift to us. I only had to hear the first couple of notes iTunes provided me and I was instantly hooked. A chill ran through my veins and I knew: This is going to be something special. Of course it would be. Flowers is a lyrical and musical genius, and there are scores of people out there who would easily agree with me.

The song is classic Flowers and it is reminiscent of The Killers, but this is entirely his own. There have been many that were worried once Flowers went solo, he would be nothing without his bandmates to back him up. How could they ever have doubted him?

I am not that good at describing the emotions that come from hearing the song. There are people out there who are able to say what I cannot, and have it fit exactly how I feel. I love what arjanwrites.com said about the new single:

The song is a signature Flowers tune with a grand, arena-sized soundscape and lyrics of a near biblical proportion about heaven, hell and the temptation in between. Flowers doesn't tell simple stories, he creates entire full-scale epics that fit a desert.

We won't know the full extent of the album until it's release date on September 10, 2010 but I know without a doubt that it will be nothing short of spectacular. Here is a great sneak-peak about the album from vertigo.fm:

Despite all its storied pitfalls, louche reputation and lascivious tourism campaigns, Brandon Flowers remains stubbornly proud of his hometown. The Las Vegas born-and-bred vocalist—whose working hours are usually spent with his band The Killers—makes that clear when discussing his first solo album, Flamingo, which takes its name from a Sin City downtown street on which Sam's Town is located, and where Flowers used to buy his records. "I grew up there, so it's close to my heart," the 29-year-old says. "I feel a responsibility to represent where I'm from, to defend it. It's a place that a lot of people loathe. I can't help but love it. I grew up with a lot of people who couldn't wait to leave, and that was always strange to me. I feel a real connection to it. It's in my blood."

Inextricably tied to Vegas in both showmanship and ideology, Flamingo is a bombastic 10-track collection of stadium-ready songs that runs the gamut from expert pop executions and forlorn electro dirges to gospel tunes and even blues-tinged rock (read: pedal steel, and plenty of it). "Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts," an upbeat arena rocker with the heartbeat of a dance floor classic, employs gambling as an epic metaphor: "I followed you through the darkness/ I followed you through the cold/ woman, I can tell you one thing/ you're going to wish you could go back and fold." Meanwhile "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" doesn't make Las Vegas sound very fabulous at all. Indeed, there’s also denial, perfidy, absolution, spirituality and the limits of faith—each of which is explored in the album's other 10 tracks. Flowers transforms intellectual concepts into adrenaline overdrive on "Crossfire"; channels Roy Orbison's luminous falsetto to unnerving effect in "Playing With Fire"; and looks for second chances on "Only the Young," in which he offers the following haunting prayer: "Redemption, keep my covers clean tonight."

Flowers wrote the songs on Flamingo over the year and a half he spent touring for Day and Age, the Killers' third, critically acclaimed studio album. (He says the song that served as a catalyst for Flamingo is called "O, Sad American Night," which was recorded during sessions for Day and Age but didn't make the cut for that album, and won't be released on this record, either.) Originally, he'd meant them as material for the band, but circumstances—like being on the road for six years—intervened. "I would prefer if this was a Killers record, although it would obviously be very different if I'd made it with the band," he says. "We're just at different places in our lives right now. It's no secret that they're ready to put the brakes on for a second. It's definitely not the end of the Killers, but you can't blame them—we've been going nonstop since 2003.” The upside to recording the album alone was that without the other members of the Killers, Flowers could call the shots himself; the downside, as he explains, is that he feels "a little bit naked."

He hedged his bets, enlisting production help from a series of renowned talents: Daniel Lanois, Brendan O'Brien and Stuart Price. (Flowers worked with Price before on Day and Age). He also invited Rilo Kiley frontwoman Jenny Lewis, whom he calls "a daughter of Vegas," to guest on the song "Hard Enough." Together they made an album Flowers says he's proud of, one that stretches his musical horizons. And with plans for a fall tour of small venues are already in the works, Flowers isn't about to rest on his laurels. He enjoys performing, and even if he's worried about taking time off, he explains that he's now seasoned enough as a vocalist to understand that one of his biggest issues is an anxiety of influence.

"I looked up to so many people who had danced and rocked and made history on those stages," he says. "It was unbelievable tome that I was going on some of these same stages and that I was following in their footsteps. It took me a long time to get used to that. It's not that I think that I'm as good as everybody else. It's more that now I can let myself believe that it's possible, and that I can give myself a shot."

Go to brandonflowersmusic.com to listen to "Crossfire".

Pause

I paused today to sit in a patch of catnip, hang out on the Climbing Tree, trudge through Muldune Mud and explore the south side of the river bottoms where I haven't been since I was a kid. It was perfect.

The River of Kiss and Tell

Until this past Thursday, it was nearly 16 months since I went out with a guy. After that night I was reminded why: I actually hate it.

I hate it because I don't like how boys behave and I don't like how they make me behave. I get so silly and distracted to the point that I feel like I am not even me anymore. But I got it in my head Thursday that I owed it to myself to go out and have a good time. I wish I didn't.

There was nothing wrong with me going into town to a hip-hop dance by myself. It felt good to be on my own and meet new people. After all, it had been so long since I did something for myself. I can't deny myself living. But there was something wrong with leaving with someone I barely knew and letting him take advantage of my vulnerable state. There was something wrong with me not saying no.

Don't get me wrong, all I am talking about is kissing. But at this point in my life even that is a big deal, something I feel that shouldn't be done until it's someone you care about.

Not some stranger.

There's no denying that there is something really special about knowing someone before you kiss them. When the moment comes you can expect fireworks and you'll most likely feel it, since it is something you have built up in your mind, have anticipated and dreamt about for a while. The time you've spent learning about that person has led up to that moment and what results is magic. The problem with kissing someone you don't know is that the mystery of the person is totally obliterated. There won't be any fireworks because there's no fuse to light.

I am frustrated with myself because I was holding out for someone and I blew it. I had been holding out for nearly 16 months. I had been holding out even when I knew this person no longer wanted me to. It's because this person embodies everything I want in a guy, a type I will always look for. I know it has to exist in other guys. I don't think it's possible that only one guy would be bestowed with all these wonderful qualities while the rest of them get gypped. I don't believe the universe could be that cruel to men. There has to be someone else who holds all of the same qualities as he did. I have to believe that there is.

I know what I want in a guy but I never quite get there because the wrong type of guy always tends to get in the way, even when over and over I have convinced myself I don't want them to. It's like I see this wonderful man standing on the steep banks of a muddy river but I'm on the other side. I know he is everything I want and everything I deserve but when I try to get to him I am sucked under by water I told myself I would never wade into. I could have taken the safe route across by bridge but was too lazy or didn't have the mere courage, confidence, or self-respect to do it. I go into the deep end and can no longer see the river bank and who was once standing there. There's no one there to help me, not even myself, when I am held under the water.

So I drown.

Every time.

Life is Beautiful

After some spring yard work, I felt prompted to I relive some of my glory days. So I ducked under some deadly nightshade vines, dodged a few thorn bushes, hopped over fallen willow branches, balanced on a few logs, climbed a cottonwood, sat on a stump, watched a blue heron wade and a muskrat race through the water, felt the onset of spring, closed my eyes and just listened... I came back with some minor scratches, a false owl pellet, and a greater appreciation for how wonderful my life is here on the Henry's Fork of the Snake River.

Life is beautiful.

Princess Days

If you watched the Academy Awards on March 7th, you may have noticed two Disney films nominated for Best Animated Feature: the digitally animated Up, and the classic hand-drawn animated The Princess and the Frog. Although Up rose to the top that night, The Princess and the Frog was well deserving of its nomination.

Some adults will argue that Disney lost some of its spark when it went digital. Some kids won't understand what the argument is about. But one thing is certain: for many years Disney had lost the magic of the Disney princess. Before The Princess and the Frog, the last animated film Disney produced with a fairy-tale setting was Beauty and the Beast in 1991. That's eighteen years without a new princess ruling the Magic Kingdom before The Princess and the Frog hit theaters in December 2009.

Some people were certain the days of the Walt Disney princess were over, but The Princess and the Frog brings back the longed-for and greatly-missed Disney princess like the ones we knew when we were kids; the kind of heroine that's been missing since classic Disney animation retired.

Making it in Moscow

I moved to Moscow on Saturday. It was a long drive from Rexburg and we didn't have any problems with the weather... just with other things. First, my dad was pulled over on the Moscow highway for going 52 mph in a 45 mph zone. Luckily, he got off with a warning. There was rain and fog, so we didn't even see a cop sitting there ready to nab us as we came through. Then, because of the whole cop situation, my dad was on the lookout and trying to be good. When he hit a yellow light in town he slammed on his breaks and my magnet board (which is made of wood and metal) came flying from the back of the SUV and hit me in the head behind my left ear, leaving a huge goose egg and a headache for hours afterwards. So my first few minutes in Moscow were spent holding a bag of ice on my head. It wasn't really great.

What was great was that the next day I got to see my sister's play, Strange Attractors, at a matinee show and an evening show. It was so wonderful. The actors did a phenomenal job and it was a truly beautiful play. It is so amazing to think that my sister wrote it. She's brilliant, and everyone thinks so. She is definitely going places and that makes me happy. I'm proud of her.

I loved the play so much that I went back for the Sunday matinee. There I met a lady who started to talk to me about how she wished she could have seen more advertising in the community, rather than just around campus. The only way she even heard about the play was from her friend who just happened to be the scenic designer for the production. She asked me if there were any posters for the play. I was shocked. There were posters for the play, but unfortunately they were small and there wasn't enough of them to be circulated around. So she missed seeing one at all.

I talked to her for a while and explained that what I wanted to do was advertise for theatre. She told me about Heart of the Arts, Inc., a non-profit company here in Moscow that is geared toward community involvement in the arts. This was my first experience with networking and it happened only one day after I arrived. It gives me hope that I will be able to network more and find my niche here in Moscow.