On Fridays I start the day off with Culture and Gender, a psychology course that is quickly becoming one of my favorites. The atmosphere in the room is so relaxed; we sit in comfy reclining chairs and talk about anything we want to. There's no fixed assignments and the topics are entirely up to us. It is one class where I have been able to be myself; a rare find these days. I feel like I can talk about anything and there's always someone there to listen.
After Culture and Gender I have a horrid hour and a half to sit and do basically nothing. I hate downtime between classes. I have to waste time watching YouTube or a DVD on my computer, which isn't really too bad, but I hate lugging my laptop around with me. Today was one of those days, and I decided to head up to the third floor of the library and check email, updates on grad school, and maybe write a blog.
But something happened. The minute I reached the doors of the third floor, a voice told me, "You're going to run into *Simon. Be on guard." With over 11,000 people in this school why on earth would I run into Simon?
Well, what do you know? The minute I walk into those doors and pick out a nice computer spot... BAM. My eyes meet with who other than Simon, right across the way from me. Good grief! Let me tell you why this is the last person on earth I wanted to run into today.
A few weeks ago, Simon invited me over to his apartment. Rather than chillin' with a movie and just enjoying each other's company, Simon wanted to enjoy it in another kind of way that gave him all the pleasure, and me all the grief. For the sake of my sanity--I really could care less what Simon thinks--I am not going to go into all the details. But let's just say I felt totally taken advantage of and to this day I cringe at the thought of it. What I experienced that night was kind of like a waking dream.
The Simon I knew was cheesy, not too good with girls. I mean, last April we dated and all he ever did was hold my hand. He explained he only kissed girls he "really, really liked." I was okay with that; I could be patient. About a week after that we ended it. He told me that he kissed another girl. The funny thing was my gut reaction when he spilled it to me: "Uh... so?" In all honesty, I really wasn't surprised. All evening leading up to that point he was acting like he was out to do some serious dumping damage. So I shrugged it off but was quite disappointed. Afterall, this was our second time around. We'd gone out for about a month the year before that.
Imagine my un-surprise when he got ahold of me in December. Oh, there's Simon again. After two times around and not much success with the whole situation, I was less than enthusiastic about hanging out again. However, I let my mom talk me into it. Her philosophy was that it couldn't hurt.
Well, it didn't hurt the first time we hung out. We talked about his "issues" and how they contributed to why we were on-again, off-again, but I still wasn't quite impressed. There was something different about him: he actually kissed me. Hmm... odd. Sparks... not so much. It was... eh.
The second time we hung out was the last time. I wish I had made the first time the last time, then I wouldn't have this awful memory stuck in my head: Simon went nuts. I am thinking his encounter with an almost-fiance riled him all up and then it was my turn to be the dummy he let out his pent-up sexual frustrations on. Why does this happen to me? Yuck. I should have high-tailed it out of his apartment the minute he started thinking he was Brad Pitt.
From my experience--and sadly, I have had a lot of it--most "RM" boys are a bunch of horndogs. Maybe that is why when I met Kevin, who hadn't yet been on a mission, he was like a breath of fresh air. No interest in making out, just the occasional kiss and constant hand-holding. Oh, how I miss that. Going from dating RMs where all they want is booty, booty, booty to a guy who actually listened to my raves about the latest movie and my awful car-singing, even at times participating in them, was a great and wonderful relief.
That's why when Simon came back into the picture and pulled that awful little stunt of his, I realized how much I miss Kevin and how he is unlike any other guy I have ever known. I have never felt so comfortable around a guy. I was always myself with him. It's a lot like finding that rare class with the comfy chairs. There was always an atmosphere of security and confidence with Kevin. I could tell him anything and I knew he was listening.
Now, I plan to do some listening of my own to the voice in my head who is always right. I'm not going to be stuck in a compromising situation ever again.
But I'm still going to the library.
