Oh No, He Didn't... He Did

Last night I went out to dinner with a couple of my friends to Winger's, a diner located off the "strip" in Rexburg. We were seated in a booth and to the right of me at a table was a couple finishing off their meal. After they finished, we all noticed that they left all of their Sticky Fingers. I made a comment that it was a shame for them to leave all that yummy chicken goodness and that the three of us should just sneak over there and take one for ourselves; just a little snack while we waited. And yes, I was totally kidding.

Well, apparently the guy sitting in the table directly in front of the Sticky Finger Leaver's table thought it was a good idea. I doubt he actually heard me so I won't take credit for putting the nasty idea in his head. No, I am positive he came up with it on his own. He looked around, leaned back, and took a Sticky Finger off of the plate. 

We all sat there in complete shock. This was a grown, married man (I should say "college kid"), and he took food off of another person's plate. And his wife was sitting right there. You'd think she'd reach over and poke his eye out with her fork for such a stunt.

No, she was instigating it. I sat there stunned as I watched her nudge him to grab another Sticky Finger, then another. Their waitress came over and said something like, "Oh, they're probably still okay if they weren't touching any of their leftover food." But the look on her face said it all. 

This incident was absolutely disgusting. In the midst of a H1N1 virus scare, you'd think you'd take every precaution to avoid spreading or contracting any kind of sickness, not stick your fork into it.

Not only is it gross, it's rude. 

And weird.

I Wanna Breathe That Fire Again

This weekend I went to Salt Lake City and saw The Killers. They were wonderful. It was the best thing I have ever been a part of. I will definitely be seeing them in the future.

I was surprised to walk in and find that my seat was about 15 feet off the left side of the stage... that's stage right from The Killers point of view. I was so close! When Dave walked onto his platform at the beginning, it was like I could reach out and touch him. It was perfect. I had a clear shot of every single band member, and when Brandon ran out in his feathered jacket, I about had a heart attack. He looked amazing, and just as I imagined!

They opened with "Joy Ride", and it was powerful. We had a little bit of a letdown after the song was over when they started to play "Human" and had to stop because of a technical delay. Brandon said they'd be back in 5 minutes, and they ran off stage. 20 minutes later, after a stubborn light on the floating catwalk was fixed, they came in with a bang... again! It started with a huge countdown on the screens behind the stage, turning to blue lights and a ticking clock, with the lights shining out and all around us. Then they appeared again, and we went wild. "Human" started, and the show began... again!

The Killers had great stage presence. I really admire that about them. Brandon had such charisma and he was great with getting the audience involved in every song. He made us feel like part of him. Intense energy just poured out of him into the audience, and we couldn't help but just dance, sing, and shout from the first song all the way to the end. I have never seen so many excited people gathered in one place. When I looked around, everyone I saw I felt like I knew, and I know it is because we were sharing something really great. Music truly brings people together, no matter where they are from or what their background is.

From the very first song, it was like this powerful force just took over Brandon's entire body. I could feel what he felt and his passion just poured out of him. The audience caught the rush and it was a great experience that I got to share with so many people. In that moment we were all equal. All because of music.

The finale was awesome... well, the word "awesome" just doesn't cut it. It was astounding. After "All These Things That I've Done" and a massive snowstorm of confetti, Brandon spoiled us with "Sam's Town" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine". After those two songs, some people were starting to leave (what were they thinking?) and Brandon said, "We've got one song left in us. You guys going up the stairs I'd go back and sit down in your seat if I was you.... It's a fine song, it is." Boy, was he right! They played "When You Were Young", and it was phenomenal. When the pyrotechnics went off, I could feel the heat. It was out of this world. The crowd was so into it and I just about broke out of my skin.

Watch something similar to what I experienced here.

This was one of the greatest experiences of my life so far. I know that probably sounds silly of me to say, but I have such love and respect for these wonderful people. You can really tell that they care about the music, not about what anyone thinks they should be. They play because they love it. The Killers were so wonderful live because I was able to witness what a powerful part music plays in their life, and it was amazing to see how that power transfered to each one of us. The barrier between musician and audience member did not exist. There was no barrier; it felt as if we were one with each other. When Brandon looked my direction, I felt like it was me he was looking at. His passion is what made the music even more fantastic. To see The Killers live is entirely different than just listening to them. Seeing them live let me become a part of them, just as they are a part of me. What we shared together will last forever.

Setlist for September 26, 2009

1. Joy Ride

2. Human

3. For Reasons Unknown

4. Bones

5. Joy Ride (Piano Reprise)

6. Bling (Confession of a King)

7. Shadowplay (Joy Division cover)

8. Somebody Told Me

9. Smile Like You Mean It

10. Spaceman

11. Losing Touch

12. A Dustland Fairytale

13. Can't Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley cover)

14. Read My Mind

15. Mr. Brightside

16. All These Things That I've Done

Encore:

Sam's Town

Jenny Was A Friend of Mine

When You Were Young

Guitar Hero Fridays Concert Clips

Concert Review

About Brandon

The Murder Trilogy

Being a fan of The Killers, I am surprised that I am just now finding out about the Murder Trilogy, which is an interesting mix of songs telling the story of the murder of a girlfriend named Jenny. I have heard countless fans online wishing The Killers could play the trilogy at their shows, so I just had to investigate what it was. Now I join the list of fans wishing they'd play all three songs at their upcoming shows. 

The trilogy consists of three songs from the Hot Fuss album, the first being "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" (this is actually a B-side from Hot Fuss, and can be found on the album Sawdust), "Midnight Show" and "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine". 

I find the Murder Trilogy very intriguing. I have always loved every one of the songs, but I never pulled the true meaning out of each until now. Of course, I always new "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" was about murder. It is the more obvious of the three; the others you have to listen closely. Once you've figured it out, the songs take on a whole new meaning. Brandon Flowers is a master storyteller, and the composition of each song is genius and reflective of each part of the story. 

"Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" is quite upbeat; it is the beginning of the break-up and the jealousy hasn't quite set in yet. He is medicating himself with alcohol and wanting to win Jenny back.

Jennifer, tell me where I stand

And who's that boy holdin' your hand?

Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried

Before you say goodbye

Leave the bourbon the shelf

And I'll drink it by myself

And I never liked your hair or those people that you lie with

But I'm not satisfied

Until I hold you tight

"Midnight Show" takes on a much more serious tone. He abducts Jenny, forcing her into his car and driving her to where he will eventually commit murder. He wants the hurt to go away and in his mind the only way to do that is to take her out of the picture completely. He parks the car, suffocates her, and throws her body into the water. Flowers has mentioned that "The murder has something to do with water, but it's not drowning." We can conclude it is suffocation or strangulation, since he says "I took my baby's breath..."   

Oh, crashing time can't hide a guilty girl

With jealous hearts that start with blossom curls

I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier

Of stars in atmosphere

And watch her disappear

Into the midnight show

After he is caught, in "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" he is defending himself to the police. The song's composition feels frustrated, with heavy bass and a slightly more aggravated sound.

We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same

We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain

She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go

She couldn't scream while I held her close

I swore I'd never let her go

Tell me what you wanna know

Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on

There ain't no motive for this crime

Jenny was a friend on mine

So come on, oh come on, oh come on

It is so cool to listen to all three songs and piece together the story of a man whose intense jealousy evolves into murder.

Sweet Tweets

Another reason to stay up late: Twitter.

Yes, I am officially tweeting on Twitter. The best thing about it? I can post updates from my phone just by texting and receive text updates from awesome people, including... you guessed it... The Killers. And yes, it really is Brandon, Dave, Mark, and Ronnie tweeting. So that rocks. 

So, you wanna know what I am up to all the time? Check out my Sweet Tweet box over there on the side and be sure to follow me! 

Happy Tweeting! 

Come Rushing Over Me

I just can't resist putting the lyrics to another song by The Killers as my note. There's just something about their songs that fills my heart to the point that it might burst. I have so much love for this band and their music. Their songs take me to a place I want and need to be and they really do help me get through the best and worst of times. I am so grateful for the infinite power of music. It has inspired me to seek out what is truly good, and that is why I believe The Killers have changed my life.  

I came across a video of The Killers singing "Tidal Wave", a bonus track off of their new album Day and Age. The story behind this video is that during their concert in Boulder, Colorado in January, the mics went out. Instead of causing everything to come to a complete halt, Brandon and Dave performed "Tidal Wave" acoustic. It's beautiful.

It's moments like these that make me love The Killers even more. I really can't wait until September 26 when I get to see them myself. 

Watch video

He’s always trouble with his noncomplacent 
Shotgun eyes, shotgun eyes 
His subtlety, his mystery 
Not like the other guys 

She’s always taken by his reputation 
He’s so bad, he’s so bad 
On Saturday night, they’re running for the shadows 

You say your heart ain’t ever been broken 
You think you know where you’re going 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 
You say this life has given you nothing 
You got another thing coming 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 

He’ll get a warning sign to keep his distance 
From her old man, from her old man 
Now the story of forbidden love 
Has gotta make a stand 

So in the middle of the early morning 
They’ll slip away, slip away 
And we know they’ll do their best 
Somewhere in the golden west 

Oh yeah, and we’ll watch them drive 
They’re so alive 

You say your heart ain’t ever been broken 
You think you know where you’re going 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me, 
You say this life has given you nothing 
You got another thing coming 
Tidal wave, 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 
Tidal wave 

These tidal waves are caught off track,
Come tomorrow, cause I can’t go back 
All together, can’t you see 
Tidal wave gonna cover me. 
These tidal waves are caught off track, 
Come tomorrow, cause I can’t go back 
Come together, can’t you see 
Tidal wave gonna cover me. 

Cover me 
I can’t go back 
Can’t you see 

Night Owl

I have discovered recently that I never want to go to bed, but I love to sleep. This is a dilemma. What I hate the most is the mere act of getting ready for bed. It is quite annoying to me that I have to do so much before I can climb into my blissfully beautiful bed (oh, fancy pants). Ever since I got braces it has been a constant battle against the ever-so-important need to floss. It takes three times as long for me to floss than it does a normal person, and once the flossing is over it takes me three times as long to brush my teeth than it does a normal person. I have to count ten times per tooth section with an electric toothbrush... that's top and bottom. It's not like I have to do that, but I have this overwhelming fear of what will happen if I don't. I really want my teeth to look good underneath once all the metal comes off. I don't want it to be like opening a two-year-old casket... it may look decent on the outside, but you really don't want to see what's on the inside. So I floss a lot, and I brush my teeth a lot. I brush at least 7 times a day. And yes, I am sick of it.

Another thing that keeps me up at night is that I love to watch TV downstairs in our family room. Sometimes I fall asleep while watching TV for a wonderful 30 minutes, but then wake up only to discover that I have to go upstairs to bed. By the time I get up there, I feel awake. So then I get on the computer to kill some time and that makes me even more awake. 

Then there's the fear of having to wake up in the morning. It's on Saturday nights when I feel this the most. You know why? Because the next day I have to teach Primary. And they're five-year-olds. It has it's rewards. There's nothing more precious than little children... climbing up the walls, jumping off of the furniture, and telling you to lean in to hear a secret only to have them scream in your ear. That wasn't funny, Rachel. 

Another thing that keeps me up is my recent diagnosis of Pleurisy. My Mac dictionary gives this description of it: inflammation of the pleurae (in the lungs), which impairs their lubricating function and causes pain when breathing. Even more simply put: constant left-sided chest pain. I have had it for at least a month now and I am hoping there is a light at the end of this tunnel. The doc has me on two types of medication: a beta-blocker and an anti-inflammatory, which might account for me being sleepy during the day but wide awake at night when the hoot owls are out. Who-who knows. 

This is Night Owl, signing off. Goodnight, world.

I've Carried It Well

It never fails. Songs by The Killers always fit my life and how I view the world. Whenever I hear "Sweet Talk" I am reminded of the struggles I face in my life, and how during these times I always look outward and heavenward. For those who don't know, the lead singer of The Killers, Brandon Flowers, is LDS. I get the feeling that Brandon wrote this song with a particular person in mind. This song seems like a prayer for guidance.  

Lift me up on my honor

Take me over this spell
Get this weight off my shoulders
I've carried it well
Loose these shackles of pressure
Shake me out of these chains
Lead me not to temptation

Hold my hand harder
Ease my mind
Roll down the smoke screen
And open the sky

Let me fly
Man I need a release from
This troublesome mind
Fix my feet when they’re stumbling
And well you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Dig me out from this thorn tree
Help me bury my shame
Keep my eyes from the fire
They can’t handle the flame
Grace cut out from my brothers
When most of them fell
I've carried it well

Let me fly
Man I need a release from
This troublesome mind
Fix my feet when they’re stumbling
I guess you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Now hold on
I’m not looking for sweet talk
I’m looking for time
Top a tower and sleep walk
Brother, cause it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes
Hold on

You know its gonna hurt sometimes
When you call me
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on

I’m gonna climb that symphony home and make it mine
Let his resonance light my way
See, all these pessimistic sufferers tend to drag me down
So I could use it to shelter what good I’ve found.

This song is owned by The Killers. I do not own the rights to this song. I put together the video for listening purposes only. I hope you fall in love with The Killers and discover more of their music for yourself. Listen and be inspired. 

Save Me From My Old Ways

I think the song that best describes my journey from adolescence to this point in my life and the choices I find myself making now would have to be "When You Were Young" by The Killers. It fits me perfectly. I love this song so much. In my mind, it describes how throughout adolescence I searched for the perfect man but would instead find myself getting caught in a hurricane of bad decisions. I could climb the mountains I had created only if I took it slow. Overcoming the past is not a walk in the park. Most of us look for those who we have built up in our minds as the perfect match... we did it when we were young, we are doing it now. I will always be on the lookout for that beautiful boy who will save me from my old ways, not add to them. And a boy can only save you when he inspires you to do so for yourself.

You sit there in your heartache

Waiting on some beautiful boy to 
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he come

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young

Can we climb this mountain?
I don’t know
Higher now than ever before 
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now
Watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane 
That started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
And see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water
It ain't so sweet
You don’t have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to 
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now
Here he come

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined
When you were young
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know.

This song is owned by The Killers. I do not own the rights to this song. I put together the video for listening purposes only. I hope you fall in love with The Killers and discover more of their music for yourself. Listen and be inspired.

Hello Kitty

My beautiful cat, Lily, is a British Shorthair. I was curious about her breed, so I looked up some facts about Brits. What I found answered many questions I have formed about Lily over the past few years. I sure wish I knew this earlier! I finally understand my cat.

A perfect white shorthair with no hint of any other color is a relatively rare, and therefore sought-after, animal. The orange-eyed variety, which does not suffer from the problems of deafness associated with the blue-eyed types, is regarded even more highly. Pet quality typically runs $400 to $600, while breeder/show quality costs between $800 and $1,500, sometimes more or less depending upon the breeder, bloodline, location, gender, and color and pattern. Since numbers are limited, most Brits are sold through waiting lists.

Brits tend to be quiet cats, and it’s amusing to hear tiny squeaks instead of hearty meows. They will sometimes engage in conversation with you, especially if it is getting near time to be fed.

Brits enjoy keeping an eye on their favorite people, as long as it can be done from a comfortable lounging position. Brits are affectionate without being clingy and playful without being hyper, and tend to treat the entire family as their clan rather than bond with one special person. They enjoy games and have a quiet sense of humor. But they also need room and time alone to be truly happy. They enjoy a game of chase with a small toy, and some will fetch it back to you for it to be thrown again. They are quite lazy at times and love nothing more than lazing about in the gentle sunshine or completely crashing out in a cool area.

Brits are not lap cats, preferring to curl up near you or sit beside you to be petted and stroked. They are a four-on-the-floor breed: when picked up they stiffen, rigid legs extended to push you away and head turned as if pretending you don’t exist. Kisses are not welcome; keep those lips to yourself if you want your Brit to trust you. Too much of the wrong kind of attention makes Brits anxious and they may vanish into their secret hiding places for awhile. A coaxed British Shorthair will make itself comfortable for a while; a forced British Shorthair will flat out refuse.

Brits do not like to be hugged and/or carried like a baby. They simply do not like to be "controlled". Being a larger heavy cat, they feel very uncomfortable off the ground.

~~~

Now I know more about Lily. It will be hard not to smother her with kisses and cart her around like a baby, but I want to make her happy. Perhaps she will be more affectionate toward me if I show her the kind of affection she likes. 

The Knowledge I Can't Live Without

I love the stars. I get lost looking at them. I long for what's out there and for who's looking down on me.

I love bunny feet.

Movie music is amazing. It inspires me.

I love the smell of a new book.

I love my dog's nose.

When I was little, I couldn't pronounce my Ls. I was Yindsey, and the cereal I loved was Yucky Charms.

It is a fact that cat feet and dog feet smell like popcorn.

My grandma made the greatest candy in the world.

I love the Old West.

My dog hugs me.

The wind rustling through trees and grass is one of the most calming sounds in the world. Another is rain falling softly in the night.

I couldn't live without music. I would die if I lost the ability to hear it, play it, or feel it.

One of the coolest pets I ever owned was a Praying Mantis.

I miss the smell of Hawaii. When I was there I missed the smell of home.

I love a good campfire with good company.

I have always wanted to experience the 1930s-1940s.

Disease scares me.

I can immitate a recorder flute by using my voice.

One visit to Disneyland erases years off a person's life.

I love that my cat is pink and white. I love her tiny pink nose and her soft, pink feet. She is pure and perfect. It is hard to believe that she is even real, because she is so beautiful.

I want to go to Australia. I am fascinated by it. I love that it is not afraid to be different.

I could stare at the ocean forever. I love the sound of it, the smell of it, the feel of the water lapping at my feet, and the feel of the course sand against my skin. I love that it has a story; some great mystery that is just waiting to be solved. I love that it has secrets. I love that if I listen close enough, it just might whisper one to me.

I love to dream.

I long to be loved.

When I was little my big dream was to be a comedienne. I even had a business card.

I was not popular in school. I realize now that none of that matters. I wish I knew that then.

I love the smell after it rains. I go outside and I take it all in, and it renews me.

Sometimes it's healthy to have a good cry.

I am right-brained and right-handed.

I open bottles with my left hand, and never my right.

I prefer dark chocolate to milk chocolate.

I love to hear about my dad's stories of when he was in the Navy on a submarine, and all the places and people he met along the way.

I hate mass quantities of onions, tomatoes, broccoli, cucumbers, spinach, sauerkraut, and cauliflower.

I like to smile often.

My sister is my best friend.

I love listening to my parents tell their story...of how they met and how they fell for one another...at just 17 years old.

I collect stuffed animals, movie stubs, movie posters, clothing tags, bottles, and bottle caps.

The first major haircut I ever had was when I was in the sixth grade.

Seeing horses run lifts my spirits. Seeing them run in slow mode on film makes me tear-up. I love horses, and I would love to own one.

I hate to see animals harmed on movies. It kills me.

I was born in June. I drive a green VW Beetle. If I had a personal license plate, it would read "JUNEBUG." (No one steal that, please!)

The earth is so beautiful and so special. I want to do more to keep it that way. We have a great gift; let's cherish it.

I love anything vintage.

I want to find my own style and start a trend.

A few years ago I auditioned to be a Disney Character at Walt Disney World. I wanted so badly to be a Disney Princess. I didn't make it, but I enjoyed every part of it, and I learned so much. I instead got chosen for an Operational job, but I decided I was needed here...and I am glad I stayed.

I love my dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin. One of these days, it just might come in handy as my ultimate secret weapon.

One of my favorite accessories is a headband, so it really drives me nuts when I'll be sitting with a guy and he tries to subtly pull it out. Uh, thanks...a lot.

I love Yoo-Hoo!

It would be cool if my wedding colors could be similar to a Lime Rickey...dark purple, silver, and lime.

I love The Killers. I find that their music always fits my life and how I choose to live it. They are wonderful and inspirational. I doubt I could ever live without them.

I recently discovered that I love red bell peppers and now I am hooked for life.

I figured out the official term for the type of music I love: "post-punk revival".

~~*This list is a work in progress.*~~

Get Sirius!

I love star gazing. It is one of the most fascinating things to do. If you want to have your own personal light show once the sun sets, look for the star Sirius. This is the brightest star in the night sky. Sirius is also called the Dog Star because of its prominence in the Canis Majoris constellation. Intrinsically, Sirius is over 20 times brighter than our Sun and over twice as massive. It is located 8.7 light years from Earth.

So how do you find it? First, you need to locate Orion's belt. This shouldn't be too hard: it's the three stars in a row. Once you locate the belt, follow it to locate Sirius by moving your eyes to the left, as shown in the figure below. Follow the three belt stars of Orion 20 degrees southeast towards the brightest star you can see. 20 degrees is about two times your fist at arm’s length. 

You'll know it when you see it: it is a very large, bright star and it twinkles all the colors of the rainbow. Yes, all stars twinkle, but this is extremely obvious because of its brightness. Sirius is a blue star but appears to change color rapidly due to the Earth’s atmosphere. Turbulence in the atmosphere causes the star’s light to be “bounced” all over the place. The light of the star is made up of many different colors which all “bounce” around differently. As a result, normally blue Sirius can appear to rapidly switch between many different colors when it is close to the horizon because its light is passing through more atmosphere than usual. 

Happy gazing! 

Amazing Things Can Happen

A couple of days ago, on March 25, 2009, I had a dream about one of my friends from school, Trista. We went to school together since kindergarten and graduated from high school in 2005. I haven't seen her since then and haven't been able to talk to her much since she moved to Twin Falls with her husband. 

In my dream, Trista was going to have a baby girl. Trista's belly was big and I remember her telling me it was going to be a girl. I was so excited for her and very excited to see her.

When I awoke from the dream, I had a very strong impression, stronger than I have had in a long time. It felt a lot like what happened a few years ago with Septimus. I said to myself, "I wonder if Trista is going to have a baby." It stuck with me the entire day, and I found myself thinking it often. "I wonder if Trista is going to have a baby. I think she is." It was just the strangest feeling. It's somewhat indescribable. 

Today, something amazing happened. I received a letter in the mail. When I opened it up, it was an invitation to a baby shower for Trista. She was having a baby girl. 

The postmark on the envelope was dated March 25, 2009. 

~ April 5, 2009 ~

Yesterday I attended Trista's baby shower. As a gift, I picked out a baby afghan my mom had made, and I asked her to crochet a baby animal for Trista's baby. I went through some of her crochet books and picked out an adorable hippo. I thought, "That looks like something Trista would like."

At Trista's shower, I learned that she loved hippos and had been having a hard time finding little hippos for her baby. I had no idea she wanted a hippo. 

Just another amazing thing. 

Rest in Peace, My Sweet Friend

Today I had to say goodbye to my fascinating pet, Charlie. He was a Black Moor goldfish and was absolutely beautiful. He was large with a long fantail and was dusted in gold and orange. Named after one of my favorite characters in cinema, Uncle Charlie from Alfred Hitchcock's Shadow of a Doubt, my Charlie was also one of the greatest characters. I loved him very much. And as I wrote about previously in the entry Mighty Companions, yesterday I had to say a prayer for this wonderful pet to die. 

I had been saying the exact opposite type of prayer for a week after Charlie developed Ich. I'll tell you right now, I feel this disease is a death sentence. The treatments for it always tell you that it won't cure the fish. It cures the Ich that is present in the water. I feel that the disease had too much of a hold on Charlie that curing the water wasn't what he needed. He needed much more. 

But the prayers for help weren't working. Charlie was getting worse. He wasn't eating or swimming, and his breathing was getting quite rapid. He looked terrible and there was nothing I could do to help him. I felt so awful that I couldn't help.

Yesterday morning, after I awoke from a dream about Charlie, I went to his tank and said a different kind of prayer. I asked that he be taken from me so that he would no longer have to suffer. Yes, I prayed that my pet would die.

It sounds so awful to admit that, and this is the second time I've had to do it. But what else could I do? Charlie was dying, he was suffering. Nothing could help him but the grace of God. I realized that my prayers for him to stay were selfish and were only prolonging his suffering. He needed to get better. 

The only way I could help him was to let him go. That was the hardest thing to do, but I know it was right. 

All things bright and beautiful,

All creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.

Goodnight, my sweet Charlie.

Where Do I Go From Here?

This is a written statement submitted to the University of Idaho; written January 19, 2009.

Driving along the familiar country road that leads to Rexburg, Idaho, I catch a glimpse of the sun breaking above the jagged peaks of the Grand Tetons. The sun hits the vast fields of sparkling snow and the frost-covered cottonwood trees and glistens along the curve of the Snake River. My mind ignites with excitement and the desire to capture every moment. The Snake River Plain where I grew up is only a small, yet important part of what motivates me to capture nature and life through photography and design.

I have been creative all of my life, whether it be taking photographs, studying the cover art of my favorite novels, or looking at the world and imagining all the ways to capture, create, and share what I have discovered there.

At Brigham Young University-Idaho I decided to major in Communication with an emphasis in Advertising so that I could learn ways to bring my passion for design to life. But I cannot give all the credit for my creativity to only myself. My sister, Mattie, is the one who has influenced me the most. She has motivated me through her passion for capturing life on-stage as a playwright. When I take a step back and watch her making her difference in the world, I ask myself what I could do to make mine.

My sister teaches me to push through the boundaries of what seem ordinary life situations to find the boundless creativity that only lay beneath the surface. She shows me that nothing in this life is what it seems because beauty is all around me. It is up to me to make the choice to discover that beauty and capture it in my mind and my heart and bring it to life so that others may feel it. She reminds me that something created simply or even by accident has the potential to become a work of art. Where a plant in the beginning of its life is miraculous, the skeletal frame left in winter is just as captivating.

I love to photograph nature. It is something that can be personal and intimate. I am close with whatever project I am working on. I know I am capturing a moment that may never be captured again, like an iceberg in its final moments. Someone else may see the same object, but do they see what I see? Do they feel what I feel?

I aspire to incorporate my designs in the film and theatre industry. A few of my personal projects include posters for my sister’s future theatrical productions. Nearly all of my life I have been influenced by plays and movies and I am at the theatre often. Sometimes what grabs my attention the most is not simply the play or the movie but the advertising just outside the theatre’s doors. I usually find myself standing in front of a large theatrical poster in awe, pondering how the artist was able to capture the entire mood for a film; they have one chance to tell someone a story at first sight.

It is those moments—studying a theatrical poster or the design on the cover of a book, the way the light comes through a window or casts shadows through the trees—that I feel it could be me behind the camera making it all possible.

During my undergraduate studies at BYU-Idaho I worked extensively in Adobe programs InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop. I took courses in visual media, custom images, and photojournalism that included design tutorials and photo excursions. Some projects included a large framed poster and a portfolio website. These courses taught me the most about photography and digital imaging.

An emphasis in Advertising has given me a lot of background in design principles. I am currently the layout artist for a Google campaign as well as a business magazine. I feel that my time at BYU-Idaho was a great place to start and now I want to continue to learn even more about design.

I know that the MFA Art program at the University of Idaho will help me reach my goals and will act as a vessel to guide me to a higher level of creativity and learning. I want to continue to push myself through boundaries and continue to be challenged. I hope I can be changed and influence change in this world. I feel that the University of Idaho has the perfect atmosphere in which I would be able to bring my personality to life through design.

Whatever I do, I will always remember what has inspired me to achieve my dreams and I am forever in debt to those who have helped me get to where I am in my life. The photograph in my mind of the sun breaking over the mountains when I travel that country road will forever inspire me. I look forward with optimism at all the possibilities that lay ahead.

What a Dream Did for Me

A couple of years ago I had a dream about a lost member of my family. In the dream I came across a room and began digging in some old trunks and boxes. Inside them I found an old photograph album, and in it I saw a picture of a young man, in 1800s dress, leaning against a rail on what looked like a ferry. His face wasn’t entirely clear. It struck me in the dream that this person was very important. Also in the album was a letter from this young man, and it was written to me; he knew who I was. All I remember from the letter was the young man’s name and that he was telling me things I needed to do, and I knew that somehow I should know this man. Everything in the dream seemed to be clues about who this man was and where I could find him.

For a while, my search for Septimus Ridehalgh felt like I am chasing a dream, and that maybe he wasn’t connected to my line at all. I asked myself why I had the dream I did. I know it wasn’t telling me to find one person, but all the people I can who are lost in my family.

I was finally able to make the connection. I believe that Septimus and I are cousins from way back and share the same John Ridehalgh as a family member. It was an amazing discovery that I am hope is correct. But I remind myself that even if he isn’t connected in the exact way I believe, I still found someone who needs the promises of the new and everlasting covenant. His family needs them as well. There are at least twenty names or more that I can take to the temple.

It was all because of a dream that turned out to be an important message that gives me the opportunity to focus on someone beside myself. It motivates me to change my life so I can change theirs.

Mighty Companions

Loved ones are not always in the form of a parent, sibling, spouse, son, or daughter. They may not even be human.

As human beings, we were given The Fall. Because of it, we understand the differences of good and evil. Animals, however, do not know when they have done something wrong, but they do feel physical pain. As humans we can recognize when animals are suffering, and I believe these small souls to be an instrument through which the Lord eases human suffering.

My family got a Miniature Schnauzer puppy when I was twelve. We named him Zeke and he became an instant member of the family and my best friend. Before Zeke, we had horrible luck with dogs: they never seemed to be around for long. Zeke was different. He has been a part of our family for nearly ten years now, and he is as adorable as ever. 

A couple of years ago, I remember going outside to Zeke’s doghouse and noticed something was wrong. He was hunched over and he could barely move. He wouldn’t eat his food or drink any water. It tore me apart to see what was happening to him. He was in so much pain. It came across my mind that I might lose him. I was in pain because of his suffering.

My dad decided to give Zeke a blessing. I had never seen an animal blessing before, and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I knew that my Heavenly Father would heal him, and heal my breaking heart. The next day, Zeke tasted his food. We were able to get him some medicine and it was only a matter of time before he was back to his perky self.

I know that when Zeke was given his blessing, he was being watched over. His pain was eased, and mine was as well. God knows me, and He knew how much I was hurting. He eased Zeke’s pain and in turn eased mine. Zeke is an instrument through which my pain is eased.

Another small soul that helped me was a goldfish named Tangelo. He was my sister’s fish, and was bright orange, feisty, and had a wonderful personality. One day, Tangelo turned upside-down and stayed that way. He would swim all over the place on his back. At first, we thought it was rather funny, but he soon started to turn black. He looked very sick and he wouldn’t eat.  He just stayed upside-down behind his castle. 

One night, I was watching him. He looked so helpless and sad. He wasn’t feisty anymore and his wonderful personality was fading away. I was hurting because I could see that he was suffering.  I have heard that goldfish have only three-second memories. Whether this is true or not, I do not know, but I knew Tangelo was in pain. I said a prayer, asking for help. I said, “If he is suffering, please take him. If you need to take him, I will let you. It is in your hands now.”

The next morning, I awoke and knew his pain was over. Tangelo died during the night. It was hard to admit to myself that I prayed for my pet to die. I learned that my sister, in Provo at the time, had done the same. Through Tangelo’s pain and his death, I learned about my Savior's love. 

These small souls, and so many others that have come into my life, are a means by which my pain is eased.  They are great blessings and gifts from the Lord. They have such beautiful spirits: for anyone who doesn’t know of the marvelous spirits of animals, I feel sorry for their loss.  Animals are a wonderful and miraculous gift, and I know that these small souls are here for a reason.

Now is a the time to reflect on the special people and special animals that have been such an important part of my life and have changed my life for good. I know I will deal with many losses as I near the end of my own life. I hope I do not allow grief to consume me or forget to thank my Heavenly Father that I have been given the opportunity to know His kind sons and daughters and His beautiful creatures that have blessed my life and comforted me in times of darkness and pain.