The River of Kiss and Tell

Until this past Thursday, it was nearly 16 months since I went out with a guy. After that night I was reminded why: I actually hate it.

I hate it because I don't like how boys behave and I don't like how they make me behave. I get so silly and distracted to the point that I feel like I am not even me anymore. But I got it in my head Thursday that I owed it to myself to go out and have a good time. I wish I didn't.

There was nothing wrong with me going into town to a hip-hop dance by myself. It felt good to be on my own and meet new people. After all, it had been so long since I did something for myself. I can't deny myself living. But there was something wrong with leaving with someone I barely knew and letting him take advantage of my vulnerable state. There was something wrong with me not saying no.

Don't get me wrong, all I am talking about is kissing. But at this point in my life even that is a big deal, something I feel that shouldn't be done until it's someone you care about.

Not some stranger.

There's no denying that there is something really special about knowing someone before you kiss them. When the moment comes you can expect fireworks and you'll most likely feel it, since it is something you have built up in your mind, have anticipated and dreamt about for a while. The time you've spent learning about that person has led up to that moment and what results is magic. The problem with kissing someone you don't know is that the mystery of the person is totally obliterated. There won't be any fireworks because there's no fuse to light.

I am frustrated with myself because I was holding out for someone and I blew it. I had been holding out for nearly 16 months. I had been holding out even when I knew this person no longer wanted me to. It's because this person embodies everything I want in a guy, a type I will always look for. I know it has to exist in other guys. I don't think it's possible that only one guy would be bestowed with all these wonderful qualities while the rest of them get gypped. I don't believe the universe could be that cruel to men. There has to be someone else who holds all of the same qualities as he did. I have to believe that there is.

I know what I want in a guy but I never quite get there because the wrong type of guy always tends to get in the way, even when over and over I have convinced myself I don't want them to. It's like I see this wonderful man standing on the steep banks of a muddy river but I'm on the other side. I know he is everything I want and everything I deserve but when I try to get to him I am sucked under by water I told myself I would never wade into. I could have taken the safe route across by bridge but was too lazy or didn't have the mere courage, confidence, or self-respect to do it. I go into the deep end and can no longer see the river bank and who was once standing there. There's no one there to help me, not even myself, when I am held under the water.

So I drown.

Every time.

Life is Beautiful

After some spring yard work, I felt prompted to I relive some of my glory days. So I ducked under some deadly nightshade vines, dodged a few thorn bushes, hopped over fallen willow branches, balanced on a few logs, climbed a cottonwood, sat on a stump, watched a blue heron wade and a muskrat race through the water, felt the onset of spring, closed my eyes and just listened... I came back with some minor scratches, a false owl pellet, and a greater appreciation for how wonderful my life is here on the Henry's Fork of the Snake River.

Life is beautiful.

Princess Days

If you watched the Academy Awards on March 7th, you may have noticed two Disney films nominated for Best Animated Feature: the digitally animated Up, and the classic hand-drawn animated The Princess and the Frog. Although Up rose to the top that night, The Princess and the Frog was well deserving of its nomination.

Some adults will argue that Disney lost some of its spark when it went digital. Some kids won't understand what the argument is about. But one thing is certain: for many years Disney had lost the magic of the Disney princess. Before The Princess and the Frog, the last animated film Disney produced with a fairy-tale setting was Beauty and the Beast in 1991. That's eighteen years without a new princess ruling the Magic Kingdom before The Princess and the Frog hit theaters in December 2009.

Some people were certain the days of the Walt Disney princess were over, but The Princess and the Frog brings back the longed-for and greatly-missed Disney princess like the ones we knew when we were kids; the kind of heroine that's been missing since classic Disney animation retired.

Making it in Moscow

I moved to Moscow on Saturday. It was a long drive from Rexburg and we didn't have any problems with the weather... just with other things. First, my dad was pulled over on the Moscow highway for going 52 mph in a 45 mph zone. Luckily, he got off with a warning. There was rain and fog, so we didn't even see a cop sitting there ready to nab us as we came through. Then, because of the whole cop situation, my dad was on the lookout and trying to be good. When he hit a yellow light in town he slammed on his breaks and my magnet board (which is made of wood and metal) came flying from the back of the SUV and hit me in the head behind my left ear, leaving a huge goose egg and a headache for hours afterwards. So my first few minutes in Moscow were spent holding a bag of ice on my head. It wasn't really great.

What was great was that the next day I got to see my sister's play, Strange Attractors, at a matinee show and an evening show. It was so wonderful. The actors did a phenomenal job and it was a truly beautiful play. It is so amazing to think that my sister wrote it. She's brilliant, and everyone thinks so. She is definitely going places and that makes me happy. I'm proud of her.

I loved the play so much that I went back for the Sunday matinee. There I met a lady who started to talk to me about how she wished she could have seen more advertising in the community, rather than just around campus. The only way she even heard about the play was from her friend who just happened to be the scenic designer for the production. She asked me if there were any posters for the play. I was shocked. There were posters for the play, but unfortunately they were small and there wasn't enough of them to be circulated around. So she missed seeing one at all.

I talked to her for a while and explained that what I wanted to do was advertise for theatre. She told me about Heart of the Arts, Inc., a non-profit company here in Moscow that is geared toward community involvement in the arts. This was my first experience with networking and it happened only one day after I arrived. It gives me hope that I will be able to network more and find my niche here in Moscow.

Oh No, He Didn't... He Did

Last night I went out to dinner with a couple of my friends to Winger's, a diner located off the "strip" in Rexburg. We were seated in a booth and to the right of me at a table was a couple finishing off their meal. After they finished, we all noticed that they left all of their Sticky Fingers. I made a comment that it was a shame for them to leave all that yummy chicken goodness and that the three of us should just sneak over there and take one for ourselves; just a little snack while we waited. And yes, I was totally kidding.

Well, apparently the guy sitting in the table directly in front of the Sticky Finger Leaver's table thought it was a good idea. I doubt he actually heard me so I won't take credit for putting the nasty idea in his head. No, I am positive he came up with it on his own. He looked around, leaned back, and took a Sticky Finger off of the plate. 

We all sat there in complete shock. This was a grown, married man (I should say "college kid"), and he took food off of another person's plate. And his wife was sitting right there. You'd think she'd reach over and poke his eye out with her fork for such a stunt.

No, she was instigating it. I sat there stunned as I watched her nudge him to grab another Sticky Finger, then another. Their waitress came over and said something like, "Oh, they're probably still okay if they weren't touching any of their leftover food." But the look on her face said it all. 

This incident was absolutely disgusting. In the midst of a H1N1 virus scare, you'd think you'd take every precaution to avoid spreading or contracting any kind of sickness, not stick your fork into it.

Not only is it gross, it's rude. 

And weird.

I Wanna Breathe That Fire Again

This weekend I went to Salt Lake City and saw The Killers. They were wonderful. It was the best thing I have ever been a part of. I will definitely be seeing them in the future.

I was surprised to walk in and find that my seat was about 15 feet off the left side of the stage... that's stage right from The Killers point of view. I was so close! When Dave walked onto his platform at the beginning, it was like I could reach out and touch him. It was perfect. I had a clear shot of every single band member, and when Brandon ran out in his feathered jacket, I about had a heart attack. He looked amazing, and just as I imagined!

They opened with "Joy Ride", and it was powerful. We had a little bit of a letdown after the song was over when they started to play "Human" and had to stop because of a technical delay. Brandon said they'd be back in 5 minutes, and they ran off stage. 20 minutes later, after a stubborn light on the floating catwalk was fixed, they came in with a bang... again! It started with a huge countdown on the screens behind the stage, turning to blue lights and a ticking clock, with the lights shining out and all around us. Then they appeared again, and we went wild. "Human" started, and the show began... again!

The Killers had great stage presence. I really admire that about them. Brandon had such charisma and he was great with getting the audience involved in every song. He made us feel like part of him. Intense energy just poured out of him into the audience, and we couldn't help but just dance, sing, and shout from the first song all the way to the end. I have never seen so many excited people gathered in one place. When I looked around, everyone I saw I felt like I knew, and I know it is because we were sharing something really great. Music truly brings people together, no matter where they are from or what their background is.

From the very first song, it was like this powerful force just took over Brandon's entire body. I could feel what he felt and his passion just poured out of him. The audience caught the rush and it was a great experience that I got to share with so many people. In that moment we were all equal. All because of music.

The finale was awesome... well, the word "awesome" just doesn't cut it. It was astounding. After "All These Things That I've Done" and a massive snowstorm of confetti, Brandon spoiled us with "Sam's Town" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine". After those two songs, some people were starting to leave (what were they thinking?) and Brandon said, "We've got one song left in us. You guys going up the stairs I'd go back and sit down in your seat if I was you.... It's a fine song, it is." Boy, was he right! They played "When You Were Young", and it was phenomenal. When the pyrotechnics went off, I could feel the heat. It was out of this world. The crowd was so into it and I just about broke out of my skin.

Watch something similar to what I experienced here.

This was one of the greatest experiences of my life so far. I know that probably sounds silly of me to say, but I have such love and respect for these wonderful people. You can really tell that they care about the music, not about what anyone thinks they should be. They play because they love it. The Killers were so wonderful live because I was able to witness what a powerful part music plays in their life, and it was amazing to see how that power transfered to each one of us. The barrier between musician and audience member did not exist. There was no barrier; it felt as if we were one with each other. When Brandon looked my direction, I felt like it was me he was looking at. His passion is what made the music even more fantastic. To see The Killers live is entirely different than just listening to them. Seeing them live let me become a part of them, just as they are a part of me. What we shared together will last forever.

Setlist for September 26, 2009

1. Joy Ride

2. Human

3. For Reasons Unknown

4. Bones

5. Joy Ride (Piano Reprise)

6. Bling (Confession of a King)

7. Shadowplay (Joy Division cover)

8. Somebody Told Me

9. Smile Like You Mean It

10. Spaceman

11. Losing Touch

12. A Dustland Fairytale

13. Can't Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley cover)

14. Read My Mind

15. Mr. Brightside

16. All These Things That I've Done

Encore:

Sam's Town

Jenny Was A Friend of Mine

When You Were Young

Guitar Hero Fridays Concert Clips

Concert Review

About Brandon

The Murder Trilogy

Being a fan of The Killers, I am surprised that I am just now finding out about the Murder Trilogy, which is an interesting mix of songs telling the story of the murder of a girlfriend named Jenny. I have heard countless fans online wishing The Killers could play the trilogy at their shows, so I just had to investigate what it was. Now I join the list of fans wishing they'd play all three songs at their upcoming shows. 

The trilogy consists of three songs from the Hot Fuss album, the first being "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" (this is actually a B-side from Hot Fuss, and can be found on the album Sawdust), "Midnight Show" and "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine". 

I find the Murder Trilogy very intriguing. I have always loved every one of the songs, but I never pulled the true meaning out of each until now. Of course, I always new "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" was about murder. It is the more obvious of the three; the others you have to listen closely. Once you've figured it out, the songs take on a whole new meaning. Brandon Flowers is a master storyteller, and the composition of each song is genius and reflective of each part of the story. 

"Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" is quite upbeat; it is the beginning of the break-up and the jealousy hasn't quite set in yet. He is medicating himself with alcohol and wanting to win Jenny back.

Jennifer, tell me where I stand

And who's that boy holdin' your hand?

Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried

Before you say goodbye

Leave the bourbon the shelf

And I'll drink it by myself

And I never liked your hair or those people that you lie with

But I'm not satisfied

Until I hold you tight

"Midnight Show" takes on a much more serious tone. He abducts Jenny, forcing her into his car and driving her to where he will eventually commit murder. He wants the hurt to go away and in his mind the only way to do that is to take her out of the picture completely. He parks the car, suffocates her, and throws her body into the water. Flowers has mentioned that "The murder has something to do with water, but it's not drowning." We can conclude it is suffocation or strangulation, since he says "I took my baby's breath..."   

Oh, crashing time can't hide a guilty girl

With jealous hearts that start with blossom curls

I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier

Of stars in atmosphere

And watch her disappear

Into the midnight show

After he is caught, in "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" he is defending himself to the police. The song's composition feels frustrated, with heavy bass and a slightly more aggravated sound.

We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same

We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain

She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go

She couldn't scream while I held her close

I swore I'd never let her go

Tell me what you wanna know

Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on

There ain't no motive for this crime

Jenny was a friend on mine

So come on, oh come on, oh come on

It is so cool to listen to all three songs and piece together the story of a man whose intense jealousy evolves into murder.