Where Do I Go From Here?

This is a written statement submitted to the University of Idaho; written January 19, 2009.

Driving along the familiar country road that leads to Rexburg, Idaho, I catch a glimpse of the sun breaking above the jagged peaks of the Grand Tetons. The sun hits the vast fields of sparkling snow and the frost-covered cottonwood trees and glistens along the curve of the Snake River. My mind ignites with excitement and the desire to capture every moment. The Snake River Plain where I grew up is only a small, yet important part of what motivates me to capture nature and life through photography and design.

I have been creative all of my life, whether it be taking photographs, studying the cover art of my favorite novels, or looking at the world and imagining all the ways to capture, create, and share what I have discovered there.

At Brigham Young University-Idaho I decided to major in Communication with an emphasis in Advertising so that I could learn ways to bring my passion for design to life. But I cannot give all the credit for my creativity to only myself. My sister, Mattie, is the one who has influenced me the most. She has motivated me through her passion for capturing life on-stage as a playwright. When I take a step back and watch her making her difference in the world, I ask myself what I could do to make mine.

My sister teaches me to push through the boundaries of what seem ordinary life situations to find the boundless creativity that only lay beneath the surface. She shows me that nothing in this life is what it seems because beauty is all around me. It is up to me to make the choice to discover that beauty and capture it in my mind and my heart and bring it to life so that others may feel it. She reminds me that something created simply or even by accident has the potential to become a work of art. Where a plant in the beginning of its life is miraculous, the skeletal frame left in winter is just as captivating.

I love to photograph nature. It is something that can be personal and intimate. I am close with whatever project I am working on. I know I am capturing a moment that may never be captured again, like an iceberg in its final moments. Someone else may see the same object, but do they see what I see? Do they feel what I feel?

I aspire to incorporate my designs in the film and theatre industry. A few of my personal projects include posters for my sister’s future theatrical productions. Nearly all of my life I have been influenced by plays and movies and I am at the theatre often. Sometimes what grabs my attention the most is not simply the play or the movie but the advertising just outside the theatre’s doors. I usually find myself standing in front of a large theatrical poster in awe, pondering how the artist was able to capture the entire mood for a film; they have one chance to tell someone a story at first sight.

It is those moments—studying a theatrical poster or the design on the cover of a book, the way the light comes through a window or casts shadows through the trees—that I feel it could be me behind the camera making it all possible.

During my undergraduate studies at BYU-Idaho I worked extensively in Adobe programs InDesign, Illustrator, and Photoshop. I took courses in visual media, custom images, and photojournalism that included design tutorials and photo excursions. Some projects included a large framed poster and a portfolio website. These courses taught me the most about photography and digital imaging.

An emphasis in Advertising has given me a lot of background in design principles. I am currently the layout artist for a Google campaign as well as a business magazine. I feel that my time at BYU-Idaho was a great place to start and now I want to continue to learn even more about design.

I know that the MFA Art program at the University of Idaho will help me reach my goals and will act as a vessel to guide me to a higher level of creativity and learning. I want to continue to push myself through boundaries and continue to be challenged. I hope I can be changed and influence change in this world. I feel that the University of Idaho has the perfect atmosphere in which I would be able to bring my personality to life through design.

Whatever I do, I will always remember what has inspired me to achieve my dreams and I am forever in debt to those who have helped me get to where I am in my life. The photograph in my mind of the sun breaking over the mountains when I travel that country road will forever inspire me. I look forward with optimism at all the possibilities that lay ahead.

What a Dream Did for Me

A couple of years ago I had a dream about a lost member of my family. In the dream I came across a room and began digging in some old trunks and boxes. Inside them I found an old photograph album, and in it I saw a picture of a young man, in 1800s dress, leaning against a rail on what looked like a ferry. His face wasn’t entirely clear. It struck me in the dream that this person was very important. Also in the album was a letter from this young man, and it was written to me; he knew who I was. All I remember from the letter was the young man’s name and that he was telling me things I needed to do, and I knew that somehow I should know this man. Everything in the dream seemed to be clues about who this man was and where I could find him.

For a while, my search for Septimus Ridehalgh felt like I am chasing a dream, and that maybe he wasn’t connected to my line at all. I asked myself why I had the dream I did. I know it wasn’t telling me to find one person, but all the people I can who are lost in my family.

I was finally able to make the connection. I believe that Septimus and I are cousins from way back and share the same John Ridehalgh as a family member. It was an amazing discovery that I am hope is correct. But I remind myself that even if he isn’t connected in the exact way I believe, I still found someone who needs the promises of the new and everlasting covenant. His family needs them as well. There are at least twenty names or more that I can take to the temple.

It was all because of a dream that turned out to be an important message that gives me the opportunity to focus on someone beside myself. It motivates me to change my life so I can change theirs.

Mighty Companions

Loved ones are not always in the form of a parent, sibling, spouse, son, or daughter. They may not even be human.

As human beings, we were given The Fall. Because of it, we understand the differences of good and evil. Animals, however, do not know when they have done something wrong, but they do feel physical pain. As humans we can recognize when animals are suffering, and I believe these small souls to be an instrument through which the Lord eases human suffering.

My family got a Miniature Schnauzer puppy when I was twelve. We named him Zeke and he became an instant member of the family and my best friend. Before Zeke, we had horrible luck with dogs: they never seemed to be around for long. Zeke was different. He has been a part of our family for nearly ten years now, and he is as adorable as ever. 

A couple of years ago, I remember going outside to Zeke’s doghouse and noticed something was wrong. He was hunched over and he could barely move. He wouldn’t eat his food or drink any water. It tore me apart to see what was happening to him. He was in so much pain. It came across my mind that I might lose him. I was in pain because of his suffering.

My dad decided to give Zeke a blessing. I had never seen an animal blessing before, and it was one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. I knew that my Heavenly Father would heal him, and heal my breaking heart. The next day, Zeke tasted his food. We were able to get him some medicine and it was only a matter of time before he was back to his perky self.

I know that when Zeke was given his blessing, he was being watched over. His pain was eased, and mine was as well. God knows me, and He knew how much I was hurting. He eased Zeke’s pain and in turn eased mine. Zeke is an instrument through which my pain is eased.

Another small soul that helped me was a goldfish named Tangelo. He was my sister’s fish, and was bright orange, feisty, and had a wonderful personality. One day, Tangelo turned upside-down and stayed that way. He would swim all over the place on his back. At first, we thought it was rather funny, but he soon started to turn black. He looked very sick and he wouldn’t eat.  He just stayed upside-down behind his castle. 

One night, I was watching him. He looked so helpless and sad. He wasn’t feisty anymore and his wonderful personality was fading away. I was hurting because I could see that he was suffering.  I have heard that goldfish have only three-second memories. Whether this is true or not, I do not know, but I knew Tangelo was in pain. I said a prayer, asking for help. I said, “If he is suffering, please take him. If you need to take him, I will let you. It is in your hands now.”

The next morning, I awoke and knew his pain was over. Tangelo died during the night. It was hard to admit to myself that I prayed for my pet to die. I learned that my sister, in Provo at the time, had done the same. Through Tangelo’s pain and his death, I learned about my Savior's love. 

These small souls, and so many others that have come into my life, are a means by which my pain is eased.  They are great blessings and gifts from the Lord. They have such beautiful spirits: for anyone who doesn’t know of the marvelous spirits of animals, I feel sorry for their loss.  Animals are a wonderful and miraculous gift, and I know that these small souls are here for a reason.

Now is a the time to reflect on the special people and special animals that have been such an important part of my life and have changed my life for good. I know I will deal with many losses as I near the end of my own life. I hope I do not allow grief to consume me or forget to thank my Heavenly Father that I have been given the opportunity to know His kind sons and daughters and His beautiful creatures that have blessed my life and comforted me in times of darkness and pain.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford is a fascinating character study starring Brad Pitt as Jesse James and Casey Affleck as Robert Ford. Based on the novel by Ron Hansen, the film brings to light the real Jesse James and the young men who lived in his shadow, fearful of his unpredictability.

The narrator in the film is unseen. He reveals Robert Ford’s thoughts and intentions, and it is extremely effective throughout the entire film. It helps us see inside Bob’s character; the part that a book can tell you, but a movie cannot.

Robert Ford is a 20-year-old who looks up to Jesse James with no question of who he really is. Bob is not like the other men. He’s small, pale, wears a button-up shirt and vest, and keeps his face shaved and his dark hair combed nicely to the side. His youth makes it easy for the others to take advantage of him and laugh behind his back at his obsession with the outlaw Jesse James.

Bob keeps a box full of Jesse James memorabilia, including pictures and dime store novels all about the James gang. Bob’s brother, Charlie, and Jesse’s cousin, Wood, find Bob’s stash and mock his admiration for Jesse by grabbing his items and scattering them around the room. The acting by Casey Affleck in this scene is heart wrenching. He portrays the character’s naivety exceptionally and beautifully. His childish voice breaks with embarrassment. At this point in the film, you can begin to realize that Bob’s admiration for Jesse may never be reciprocated.

When Jesse James doesn’t like someone, he can easily get rid of him. When Jesse James wants something, he can easily get it. He’s a dangerous man who has no true friends, and those who call themselves his friend only do so out of fear.

When Jesse takes down a 14-year-old boy and tries to smother him to get him to talk, you know he’s on the edge of a breakdown. When gang member Dick Liddle has to get him to stop, Jesse leans into his horse and sobs for a few moments. This is the only time in the film when you see this kind of emotion with Jesse.

The film takes a suspenseful turn when Bob kills Jesse’s cousin, Wood, after he and Dick get into a gunfight. Wood has Dick backed into a corner, and when Dick pulls his trigger and finds nothing, Wood prepares to take one last shot at Dick. From behind, Bob pulls out his gun and kills Wood.

Brothers Charlie and Bob fear that Jesse James will suspect them of the murder. They know it’s only a matter of time before Jesse kills them both and they are sick with worry about when it will happen. They decide to take care of Jesse before he takes care of them.

Robert Ford’s decision to kill Jesse James came out of fear for his life and for that of his brother’s, but it also had a lot to do with jealousy. As he reveals, “I've been a nobody all my life. I was the baby; I was the one they made promises to that they never kept. And ever since I can recall it, Jesse James has been as big as a tree.”

In the end, Bob regrets his decision to kill Jesse James. He misses the outlaw as much as anyone and opens up about repercussions of his decision: “You know what I expected? Applause. They didn’t applaud.”

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was nominated for two Academy Awards in 2008: one for Best Achievement in Cinematography for Roger Deakins and Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role for Casey Affleck.

I love how the film portrayed Jesse James as a cold-blooded, calculated killer. We tend to forget that this is how Jesse James really was. He was a merciless murderer; capable of anything he put his mind to. Brad Pitt's performance is haunting, frightening, and totally unexpected. Even his laugh set me on-edge. Casey Affleck is brilliant; he plays Robert Ford innocent and meek, but in the end has the capability of bringing down the most infamous outlaw. This film brings into question society's fascination with killers; where Jesse James is glorified, the man who brings him to justice is considered a murderer and a villain.