Dress Code Dilemma

The news is swarming with the story of a BYU student who received an anonymous note from a guy telling her she was not in compliance with the Honor Code and she posted about it on her Twitter account, causing a media frenzy. We live in a very public world. If something bothers us, we don't hand our friends a note when we pass them in the hall (heck, we aren't in the stage of life where we even have halls any more), we share it through social media. I don't think the girl's objective was to make this into a big deal, and I'm sure she's surprised it's come this far. She was appalled at what he did and decided to share.

Here's what the note said:

You may want to consider that what you're wearing has a negative effect on men (and women) around you. Many people come to this university because they feel safe, morally as well as physically, here. They expect others to abide by the Honor Code that we all agreed upon. Please consider your commitment to the Honor Code (which you agreed to) when dressing each day. Thank you.

Does this note make BYU look bad? Does it make the LDS religion look bad? No. What it does do, however, is start a conversation about how ridiculous people can be, and it does say a lot for how guys feel they can treat girls. He never would have called out a guy for not shaving. This isn't the first time a guy has treated a girl this way and it isn't the last.


Sadly, this is just another example of Mormon extremism. I have plenty of horror stories about what BYU students say to one another, and it's not just about the dress code. There have been numerous accounts of deconversion at BYU. This story is just a tiny part of the crap that goes on there.

The guy's actions were sexist and wrong. One woman on Facebook put it nicely: "When a man, especially a stranger, feels it is right to tell a woman, any woman, how to dress appropriately, that is not only sexist, but I would strongly question any institution that gives men so much room to cross that boundary."

Most of the focus should be on how the guy handled himself. Sometimes the way people treat one another in this religion is not right. This story should not get the most attention over whether this girl was in compliance with the dress code or not. I don't think it's about her stupid skirt and her stupid leggings. It's about why that guy felt it was his divine right to point out to a girl her dress standards and essentially tell her she was giving him evil thoughts. What is seriously right about that? Give me a good reason and I'll sit down and shut up.

The BYU student posting what the guy said and the conversation that follows is important. Wemust realize, as this article beautifully put it, "Honor Code dress standards for females and the way those standards are discursively rationalized (as protecting virtuous men’s minds from pornographic female forms) and enforced (students encouraged to pressure other students into obeying) actually creates an unsafe environment—an environment in which behavior that in virtually any other setting would constitute sexual harassment is not only excused but implicitly encouraged."

We sign a "contract" to be "perfect" but heaven forbid we mess up, even just a little bit. The Honor Code is dangerous and causes individuals to delay repentance rather than risk being kicked out of school. I find nothing wonderful or perfect in that design at all. I just can't allow myself to follow the rules of "if someone is doing something just a little bit wrong, you should stand up and say something." Trying so hard to be perfect and making others perfect is dangerous. And I can't, with all the fiber of my being, be a woman who lets people walk all over her.
I've had guys want to jump my bones when I am fully clothed from head to toe with a long sleeved shirt and jeans. So this code isn't saving anyone, not the young woman from a sex-hungry man, and not the man from having bad thoughts about her.

Manipulation

I haven't written in quite some time. I have a habit of that. A lot of crazy things have happened since I last posted. Gee, August to June is quite a while. One major thing was I found myself in a relationship that without a doubt could have killed me. Emotionally, that is. My body was never beat on. But my mind was.

I met this particular guy in my YSA ward in September. As singles wards go, there aren't a lot of prospects. But this guy seemed sweet, and gave me the type of attention I was looking for. But right off that bat, I realized he was attached to someone else and wouldn't let her go, and I became the "mistress". He wouldn't kiss me because we weren't "exclusive", even though he'd kissed me quite a bit in the beginning. I held on thinking I could change his mind, that eventually he'd end up picking me, but as things progressed it became evident that he wasn't planning on choosing one or the other. He was going to do whatever he wanted.

His mind games became more than I could bear. He asked so many questions and probed and prodded at everything I did it was like being in a nightmare. I was attached to my phone because if I didn't answer he'd yell at me. I couldn't tell him certain things, like if I was eating out or watching TV, for fear of being yelled at and questioned. I stopped Swing dancing, something I was passionate about, because he didn't like the idea of other guys touching me and he'd never let me forget it. I was in a constant state of being nauseous and I just didn't feel like eating around him. Even if he wasn't around I felt just as sick. I ended up losing 20 pounds in the 4 months we dated.

I finally reached my breaking point in February. He did absolutely nothing for Valentine's Day. It wasn't like he chose the other girl to take out that night, he took out a brand new girl instead. I had finally had enough. I was getting absolutely nothing out of what I was giving. I couldn't stand it any longer. When I broke it off with him, things became much worse. He begged and pleaded for me to reconsider, he even shed some tears over it. Good to know I can make such a tough man cry. It's been a rough few months because he can't let go.

I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting soon after I broke it off, the day he was going to be made an Elder. When a member of the bishopric asked us to raise our right hand to sustain him in this calling, I didn't. It seemed like only seconds afterwards that he was squeezing onto my bench with me. "Why didn't you sustain me? You hate me, don't you? You shouldn't spread rumors. You saw me with someone, didn't you? And I put my arm around a certain someone?" He motioned to a new girl who was giving a talk. "She told me you said some things about me. I know it was you." I told him I hadn't spoken to that girl before, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He just kept doing what he did best, manipulating the situation. I became extremely uncomfortable that I got up to leave. As I did so, he grabbed my wrists and tried to hold me down. I shook him off and ran for the nearest exit, the whole ward watching. I stumbled out the door into a snow bank and was headed for my car when he caught me and tried to hug me. A friend came out to check on me and he assured her everything was okay. I was screaming inside.

After that crazy incident the Bishop called me into his office and I told him what had happened in our relationship, and he really put me at ease. I was finally able to break ties with him but things aren't quite severed on his end of things. When he found out I went on a date with a new guy from the ward, he began harassing him to try to get details on me. Even this last week he started asking me questions when he found out I went on another date. He said, "I thought you were dating someone from another ward." When I answered that I was, he said, "Oh, well I saw you the other night." I said I went out to a movie with a group of friends and just brushed him off, but I could tell he wasn't satisfied with that answer.

It eventually got to the point I decided to lay everything out for him. Here is what I wrote him after he sent me an angry email one night:

Let me say this, me trying to "hide" at church was merely to avoid any arguments like the one that happened in Sacrament a few weeks ago. A lot of people noticed my distress, including the bishop. My friends do not know anything about our relationship other than what they've seen, which is you with other girls. Any conclusions they've made, they've done so entirely on their own. I have not shared any information about our relationship because that is our business, and ours alone. The mistakes we made are shared, as is the burden of carrying them. I am sorry we went through it. It's taken me a while to get over that darkness even though I have moved on, because you know very well I am not very forgiving of myself even when the Lord is. No doubt it sucks that you were dating around. Any girl wants a guy for herself, it's just human nature. I hated those moments at night when I couldn't get a hold of you and I knew it was because you were with someone else. It made me feel horribly lonely, unwanted and unworthy of your company. Yes, you kissed me, but only to a point and then you stopped. I want you to understand, and I can't stress this enough, that the reason this ended is not because of your failure to commit but because you gave me severe insecurities by withholding affection from me but freely taking mine. I don't deserve that kind of treatment. You wouldn't kiss me, but yet you'd let me touch you passionately. That's really twisted, and it did a lot of damage to my psyche and how I felt about myself. I couldn't go through it any longer.

I want you to know I am doing well, I no longer have anxiety and I have returned to full health with my weight. I hope you are getting better. I don't want things to be awkward in social circles like church and FHE. I think we can say hello to one another and not have to dig up the past. If you are kind to me in those situations, I will return the favor.

The email helped, but only a little. It just gave him the go-ahead to try to talk to me again. He tried to be buddy-buddy with me at game night recently. While we were playing with a group of friends, he casually said if he ever had to rush me off to the hospital he'd pull over half way and leave me in a dumpster to rot. And then he laughed.

It is so easy to get sucked into an emotionally abusive relationship. If you ever find yourself stuck in one, or wonder if yours is bordering on abusive, here is a checklist you should go by. The points you want to look for are in bold, the others you need to avoid.

• Abusive or Healthy
• Competition or Partnership and Faith
• Control and Power Struggles or Intimacy and Sharing Joy
• Contempt or Validation
• Manipulation or Mutual Cooperation
• Inequality and Disrespect or Equality and Respect
• Intimidation and Hostility or Trust and Goodwill

The best way to fight an emotional abuser is to stay silent. He will try to use your words against you. He will try to make everything you say sound crazy. He will try to hug it out.

His hugs mean nothing when his words mean everything.

To Every Thing There is a Season

Life usually comes full circle. Things don't just happen once or twice in a lifetime, but rather multiple times in one's life. To think that life can be measured out on one lengthy timeline seems somewhat ridiculous. What if my timeline looks more like a squiggly, or a curly-q, or a set of circles? Whoever decided that life is supposed to go in one particular direction? Life just isn't that simple.

I have noticed something happening with young adults of the LDS faith and it happens all too often and all too soon. Why do Mormons discourage themselves by placing life on a strict timeframe of things they feel they should be doing? Too often I've heard things like, "I'm in my 20s. I should get married. I should have my career going." Instead of thinking that it should happen, why not start thinking that it could, and that it will. 

Sometimes it is so easy to compare what we don't have with what others have. We think someone else has been given more blessings because they've found love, started a family, and landed a dream job all at an early age. We may think ourselves less fortunate when we haven't accomplished the same thing. 

One thing I have come to realize is this: it isn't that they are more blessed than I am. They are simply in a different season of their life, one I haven't seen yet but soon will, even if that means it isn't happening tomorrow. 

I am going to stop stressing. Those of you who are experiencing the same thing, stop stressing. Remember this simple scripture: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." We experience the seasons of life in different ways. It doesn't mean the leaves will never fall or the flowers will never grow. It just means it may happen at a time we never expected.

Facebook Friend

Facebook always asks me the same thing. "What's on your mind?"

Some people answer that they are baking bread, taking care of their baby, waiting for their college loan to come through, dealing with scary relationships or starting a new diet.

My response to Facebook's annoying question is, "Why do I care?"

When I was in junior high, besides blabbing on the phone--not a cellphone, I might add; it was hooked to the wall in my basement--the only thing I was concerned with was getting my own email address. I recall a time when my bandmates and I took turns writing our email addresses on the whiteboard after class for everyone to see. The number of friends on my MSN Messenger contact list skyrocketed. It was a big deal. I could chat with friends in one chat window and get the entire conversation over with quickly. None of this back-and-forth status updating, wall posting, photo commenting garbage. The only photo I had to worry about in junior high was my yearbook photo. And I never expected it to be any good anyway.

I've had relationships start and end over Facebook. One time the only way I knew I was officially in a relationship with this one guy was when he sent me a relationship request. It was also the only time I knew we were officially out of one when he posted he was newly single.

The worst turn of events came about when I took one girl's constant lovey-dovey status updates, wall posts, and photo comments as advances on my guy interest, who just happened to be a missionary where she lived. I had been writing to him faithfully for a year but once I mentioned what I was seeing over Facebook, everything came to a complete halt. We've barely written since.

The good thing about Facebook is that you get to keep a close eye on people. But how much do you really want, or need, to know? Why do we need all-access to other people's lives? Wasn't life so much better before?

I feel like Facebook is there to constantly remind us of the days when we worried about who got the most pages in the yearbook, who was listed as Best Couple in the Best Of section, and who was so dang awesome that you should either bow down to them every waking moment or stay out of their way. And now they are on your "friends" list. Facebook just fuels this idea of "the popular kids" and makes us question who we are and whether or not we are truly good enough.

I have been struggling with whether or not I should erase my Facebook account for quite some time now. When I updated my status that I was going to quit Facebook for good, I had one friend respond. I had my answer.

Facebook has never been a good friend to me. I've been there for Facebook many times, keeping my photo pretty and my status shiny. But when has Facebook ever been there for me?

Spending the 4th in New York

Museum of Natural History, stroll in Central Park, fireworks off the Hudson, The Killers playing at the White House... what a great Independence Day.

Summer...

Shorts, sunblock, cool cherry limeade, epic water fights in Porter Park and little tan lines on my feet. Welcome, Summer. You belong here.

Warm River, no-bake (mud ball) cookies, dog kisses, football on the lawn, mosquito bites. Yep. Good day.

Caught Up in the Crossfire

In honor of the great Brandon Flowers' 29th birthday on June 21, I bought his first single "Crossfire" from his upcoming solo album Flamingo. Call it his gift to us. I only had to hear the first couple of notes iTunes provided me and I was instantly hooked. A chill ran through my veins and I knew: This is going to be something special. Of course it would be. Flowers is a lyrical and musical genius, and there are scores of people out there who would easily agree with me.

The song is classic Flowers and it is reminiscent of The Killers, but this is entirely his own. There have been many that were worried once Flowers went solo, he would be nothing without his bandmates to back him up. How could they ever have doubted him?

I am not that good at describing the emotions that come from hearing the song. There are people out there who are able to say what I cannot, and have it fit exactly how I feel. I love what arjanwrites.com said about the new single:

The song is a signature Flowers tune with a grand, arena-sized soundscape and lyrics of a near biblical proportion about heaven, hell and the temptation in between. Flowers doesn't tell simple stories, he creates entire full-scale epics that fit a desert.

We won't know the full extent of the album until it's release date on September 10, 2010 but I know without a doubt that it will be nothing short of spectacular. Here is a great sneak-peak about the album from vertigo.fm:

Despite all its storied pitfalls, louche reputation and lascivious tourism campaigns, Brandon Flowers remains stubbornly proud of his hometown. The Las Vegas born-and-bred vocalist—whose working hours are usually spent with his band The Killers—makes that clear when discussing his first solo album, Flamingo, which takes its name from a Sin City downtown street on which Sam's Town is located, and where Flowers used to buy his records. "I grew up there, so it's close to my heart," the 29-year-old says. "I feel a responsibility to represent where I'm from, to defend it. It's a place that a lot of people loathe. I can't help but love it. I grew up with a lot of people who couldn't wait to leave, and that was always strange to me. I feel a real connection to it. It's in my blood."

Inextricably tied to Vegas in both showmanship and ideology, Flamingo is a bombastic 10-track collection of stadium-ready songs that runs the gamut from expert pop executions and forlorn electro dirges to gospel tunes and even blues-tinged rock (read: pedal steel, and plenty of it). "Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts," an upbeat arena rocker with the heartbeat of a dance floor classic, employs gambling as an epic metaphor: "I followed you through the darkness/ I followed you through the cold/ woman, I can tell you one thing/ you're going to wish you could go back and fold." Meanwhile "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" doesn't make Las Vegas sound very fabulous at all. Indeed, there’s also denial, perfidy, absolution, spirituality and the limits of faith—each of which is explored in the album's other 10 tracks. Flowers transforms intellectual concepts into adrenaline overdrive on "Crossfire"; channels Roy Orbison's luminous falsetto to unnerving effect in "Playing With Fire"; and looks for second chances on "Only the Young," in which he offers the following haunting prayer: "Redemption, keep my covers clean tonight."

Flowers wrote the songs on Flamingo over the year and a half he spent touring for Day and Age, the Killers' third, critically acclaimed studio album. (He says the song that served as a catalyst for Flamingo is called "O, Sad American Night," which was recorded during sessions for Day and Age but didn't make the cut for that album, and won't be released on this record, either.) Originally, he'd meant them as material for the band, but circumstances—like being on the road for six years—intervened. "I would prefer if this was a Killers record, although it would obviously be very different if I'd made it with the band," he says. "We're just at different places in our lives right now. It's no secret that they're ready to put the brakes on for a second. It's definitely not the end of the Killers, but you can't blame them—we've been going nonstop since 2003.” The upside to recording the album alone was that without the other members of the Killers, Flowers could call the shots himself; the downside, as he explains, is that he feels "a little bit naked."

He hedged his bets, enlisting production help from a series of renowned talents: Daniel Lanois, Brendan O'Brien and Stuart Price. (Flowers worked with Price before on Day and Age). He also invited Rilo Kiley frontwoman Jenny Lewis, whom he calls "a daughter of Vegas," to guest on the song "Hard Enough." Together they made an album Flowers says he's proud of, one that stretches his musical horizons. And with plans for a fall tour of small venues are already in the works, Flowers isn't about to rest on his laurels. He enjoys performing, and even if he's worried about taking time off, he explains that he's now seasoned enough as a vocalist to understand that one of his biggest issues is an anxiety of influence.

"I looked up to so many people who had danced and rocked and made history on those stages," he says. "It was unbelievable tome that I was going on some of these same stages and that I was following in their footsteps. It took me a long time to get used to that. It's not that I think that I'm as good as everybody else. It's more that now I can let myself believe that it's possible, and that I can give myself a shot."

Go to brandonflowersmusic.com to listen to "Crossfire".

Pause

I paused today to sit in a patch of catnip, hang out on the Climbing Tree, trudge through Muldune Mud and explore the south side of the river bottoms where I haven't been since I was a kid. It was perfect.

The River of Kiss and Tell

Until this past Thursday, it was nearly 16 months since I went out with a guy. After that night I was reminded why: I actually hate it.

I hate it because I don't like how boys behave and I don't like how they make me behave. I get so silly and distracted to the point that I feel like I am not even me anymore. But I got it in my head Thursday that I owed it to myself to go out and have a good time. I wish I didn't.

There was nothing wrong with me going into town to a hip-hop dance by myself. It felt good to be on my own and meet new people. After all, it had been so long since I did something for myself. I can't deny myself living. But there was something wrong with leaving with someone I barely knew and letting him take advantage of my vulnerable state. There was something wrong with me not saying no.

Don't get me wrong, all I am talking about is kissing. But at this point in my life even that is a big deal, something I feel that shouldn't be done until it's someone you care about.

Not some stranger.

There's no denying that there is something really special about knowing someone before you kiss them. When the moment comes you can expect fireworks and you'll most likely feel it, since it is something you have built up in your mind, have anticipated and dreamt about for a while. The time you've spent learning about that person has led up to that moment and what results is magic. The problem with kissing someone you don't know is that the mystery of the person is totally obliterated. There won't be any fireworks because there's no fuse to light.

I am frustrated with myself because I was holding out for someone and I blew it. I had been holding out for nearly 16 months. I had been holding out even when I knew this person no longer wanted me to. It's because this person embodies everything I want in a guy, a type I will always look for. I know it has to exist in other guys. I don't think it's possible that only one guy would be bestowed with all these wonderful qualities while the rest of them get gypped. I don't believe the universe could be that cruel to men. There has to be someone else who holds all of the same qualities as he did. I have to believe that there is.

I know what I want in a guy but I never quite get there because the wrong type of guy always tends to get in the way, even when over and over I have convinced myself I don't want them to. It's like I see this wonderful man standing on the steep banks of a muddy river but I'm on the other side. I know he is everything I want and everything I deserve but when I try to get to him I am sucked under by water I told myself I would never wade into. I could have taken the safe route across by bridge but was too lazy or didn't have the mere courage, confidence, or self-respect to do it. I go into the deep end and can no longer see the river bank and who was once standing there. There's no one there to help me, not even myself, when I am held under the water.

So I drown.

Every time.

Life is Beautiful

After some spring yard work, I felt prompted to I relive some of my glory days. So I ducked under some deadly nightshade vines, dodged a few thorn bushes, hopped over fallen willow branches, balanced on a few logs, climbed a cottonwood, sat on a stump, watched a blue heron wade and a muskrat race through the water, felt the onset of spring, closed my eyes and just listened... I came back with some minor scratches, a false owl pellet, and a greater appreciation for how wonderful my life is here on the Henry's Fork of the Snake River.

Life is beautiful.

Princess Days

If you watched the Academy Awards on March 7th, you may have noticed two Disney films nominated for Best Animated Feature: the digitally animated Up, and the classic hand-drawn animated The Princess and the Frog. Although Up rose to the top that night, The Princess and the Frog was well deserving of its nomination.

Some adults will argue that Disney lost some of its spark when it went digital. Some kids won't understand what the argument is about. But one thing is certain: for many years Disney had lost the magic of the Disney princess. Before The Princess and the Frog, the last animated film Disney produced with a fairy-tale setting was Beauty and the Beast in 1991. That's eighteen years without a new princess ruling the Magic Kingdom before The Princess and the Frog hit theaters in December 2009.

Some people were certain the days of the Walt Disney princess were over, but The Princess and the Frog brings back the longed-for and greatly-missed Disney princess like the ones we knew when we were kids; the kind of heroine that's been missing since classic Disney animation retired.

Making it in Moscow

I moved to Moscow on Saturday. It was a long drive from Rexburg and we didn't have any problems with the weather... just with other things. First, my dad was pulled over on the Moscow highway for going 52 mph in a 45 mph zone. Luckily, he got off with a warning. There was rain and fog, so we didn't even see a cop sitting there ready to nab us as we came through. Then, because of the whole cop situation, my dad was on the lookout and trying to be good. When he hit a yellow light in town he slammed on his breaks and my magnet board (which is made of wood and metal) came flying from the back of the SUV and hit me in the head behind my left ear, leaving a huge goose egg and a headache for hours afterwards. So my first few minutes in Moscow were spent holding a bag of ice on my head. It wasn't really great.

What was great was that the next day I got to see my sister's play, Strange Attractors, at a matinee show and an evening show. It was so wonderful. The actors did a phenomenal job and it was a truly beautiful play. It is so amazing to think that my sister wrote it. She's brilliant, and everyone thinks so. She is definitely going places and that makes me happy. I'm proud of her.

I loved the play so much that I went back for the Sunday matinee. There I met a lady who started to talk to me about how she wished she could have seen more advertising in the community, rather than just around campus. The only way she even heard about the play was from her friend who just happened to be the scenic designer for the production. She asked me if there were any posters for the play. I was shocked. There were posters for the play, but unfortunately they were small and there wasn't enough of them to be circulated around. So she missed seeing one at all.

I talked to her for a while and explained that what I wanted to do was advertise for theatre. She told me about Heart of the Arts, Inc., a non-profit company here in Moscow that is geared toward community involvement in the arts. This was my first experience with networking and it happened only one day after I arrived. It gives me hope that I will be able to network more and find my niche here in Moscow.

Oh No, He Didn't... He Did

Last night I went out to dinner with a couple of my friends to Winger's, a diner located off the "strip" in Rexburg. We were seated in a booth and to the right of me at a table was a couple finishing off their meal. After they finished, we all noticed that they left all of their Sticky Fingers. I made a comment that it was a shame for them to leave all that yummy chicken goodness and that the three of us should just sneak over there and take one for ourselves; just a little snack while we waited. And yes, I was totally kidding.

Well, apparently the guy sitting in the table directly in front of the Sticky Finger Leaver's table thought it was a good idea. I doubt he actually heard me so I won't take credit for putting the nasty idea in his head. No, I am positive he came up with it on his own. He looked around, leaned back, and took a Sticky Finger off of the plate. 

We all sat there in complete shock. This was a grown, married man (I should say "college kid"), and he took food off of another person's plate. And his wife was sitting right there. You'd think she'd reach over and poke his eye out with her fork for such a stunt.

No, she was instigating it. I sat there stunned as I watched her nudge him to grab another Sticky Finger, then another. Their waitress came over and said something like, "Oh, they're probably still okay if they weren't touching any of their leftover food." But the look on her face said it all. 

This incident was absolutely disgusting. In the midst of a H1N1 virus scare, you'd think you'd take every precaution to avoid spreading or contracting any kind of sickness, not stick your fork into it.

Not only is it gross, it's rude. 

And weird.

I Wanna Breathe That Fire Again

This weekend I went to Salt Lake City and saw The Killers. They were wonderful. It was the best thing I have ever been a part of. I will definitely be seeing them in the future.

I was surprised to walk in and find that my seat was about 15 feet off the left side of the stage... that's stage right from The Killers point of view. I was so close! When Dave walked onto his platform at the beginning, it was like I could reach out and touch him. It was perfect. I had a clear shot of every single band member, and when Brandon ran out in his feathered jacket, I about had a heart attack. He looked amazing, and just as I imagined!

They opened with "Joy Ride", and it was powerful. We had a little bit of a letdown after the song was over when they started to play "Human" and had to stop because of a technical delay. Brandon said they'd be back in 5 minutes, and they ran off stage. 20 minutes later, after a stubborn light on the floating catwalk was fixed, they came in with a bang... again! It started with a huge countdown on the screens behind the stage, turning to blue lights and a ticking clock, with the lights shining out and all around us. Then they appeared again, and we went wild. "Human" started, and the show began... again!

The Killers had great stage presence. I really admire that about them. Brandon had such charisma and he was great with getting the audience involved in every song. He made us feel like part of him. Intense energy just poured out of him into the audience, and we couldn't help but just dance, sing, and shout from the first song all the way to the end. I have never seen so many excited people gathered in one place. When I looked around, everyone I saw I felt like I knew, and I know it is because we were sharing something really great. Music truly brings people together, no matter where they are from or what their background is.

From the very first song, it was like this powerful force just took over Brandon's entire body. I could feel what he felt and his passion just poured out of him. The audience caught the rush and it was a great experience that I got to share with so many people. In that moment we were all equal. All because of music.

The finale was awesome... well, the word "awesome" just doesn't cut it. It was astounding. After "All These Things That I've Done" and a massive snowstorm of confetti, Brandon spoiled us with "Sam's Town" and "Jenny Was A Friend of Mine". After those two songs, some people were starting to leave (what were they thinking?) and Brandon said, "We've got one song left in us. You guys going up the stairs I'd go back and sit down in your seat if I was you.... It's a fine song, it is." Boy, was he right! They played "When You Were Young", and it was phenomenal. When the pyrotechnics went off, I could feel the heat. It was out of this world. The crowd was so into it and I just about broke out of my skin.

Watch something similar to what I experienced here.

This was one of the greatest experiences of my life so far. I know that probably sounds silly of me to say, but I have such love and respect for these wonderful people. You can really tell that they care about the music, not about what anyone thinks they should be. They play because they love it. The Killers were so wonderful live because I was able to witness what a powerful part music plays in their life, and it was amazing to see how that power transfered to each one of us. The barrier between musician and audience member did not exist. There was no barrier; it felt as if we were one with each other. When Brandon looked my direction, I felt like it was me he was looking at. His passion is what made the music even more fantastic. To see The Killers live is entirely different than just listening to them. Seeing them live let me become a part of them, just as they are a part of me. What we shared together will last forever.

Setlist for September 26, 2009

1. Joy Ride

2. Human

3. For Reasons Unknown

4. Bones

5. Joy Ride (Piano Reprise)

6. Bling (Confession of a King)

7. Shadowplay (Joy Division cover)

8. Somebody Told Me

9. Smile Like You Mean It

10. Spaceman

11. Losing Touch

12. A Dustland Fairytale

13. Can't Help Falling in Love (Elvis Presley cover)

14. Read My Mind

15. Mr. Brightside

16. All These Things That I've Done

Encore:

Sam's Town

Jenny Was A Friend of Mine

When You Were Young

Guitar Hero Fridays Concert Clips

Concert Review

About Brandon

The Murder Trilogy

Being a fan of The Killers, I am surprised that I am just now finding out about the Murder Trilogy, which is an interesting mix of songs telling the story of the murder of a girlfriend named Jenny. I have heard countless fans online wishing The Killers could play the trilogy at their shows, so I just had to investigate what it was. Now I join the list of fans wishing they'd play all three songs at their upcoming shows. 

The trilogy consists of three songs from the Hot Fuss album, the first being "Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" (this is actually a B-side from Hot Fuss, and can be found on the album Sawdust), "Midnight Show" and "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine". 

I find the Murder Trilogy very intriguing. I have always loved every one of the songs, but I never pulled the true meaning out of each until now. Of course, I always new "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" was about murder. It is the more obvious of the three; the others you have to listen closely. Once you've figured it out, the songs take on a whole new meaning. Brandon Flowers is a master storyteller, and the composition of each song is genius and reflective of each part of the story. 

"Leave the Bourbon on the Shelf" is quite upbeat; it is the beginning of the break-up and the jealousy hasn't quite set in yet. He is medicating himself with alcohol and wanting to win Jenny back.

Jennifer, tell me where I stand

And who's that boy holdin' your hand?

Oh, Jennifer, you know I always tried

Before you say goodbye

Leave the bourbon the shelf

And I'll drink it by myself

And I never liked your hair or those people that you lie with

But I'm not satisfied

Until I hold you tight

"Midnight Show" takes on a much more serious tone. He abducts Jenny, forcing her into his car and driving her to where he will eventually commit murder. He wants the hurt to go away and in his mind the only way to do that is to take her out of the picture completely. He parks the car, suffocates her, and throws her body into the water. Flowers has mentioned that "The murder has something to do with water, but it's not drowning." We can conclude it is suffocation or strangulation, since he says "I took my baby's breath..."   

Oh, crashing time can't hide a guilty girl

With jealous hearts that start with blossom curls

I took my baby's breath beneath the chandelier

Of stars in atmosphere

And watch her disappear

Into the midnight show

After he is caught, in "Jenny Was a Friend of Mine" he is defending himself to the police. The song's composition feels frustrated, with heavy bass and a slightly more aggravated sound.

We took a walk that night, but it wasn't the same

We had a fight on the promenade out in the rain

She said she loved me, but she had somewhere to go

She couldn't scream while I held her close

I swore I'd never let her go

Tell me what you wanna know

Oh come on, oh come on, oh come on

There ain't no motive for this crime

Jenny was a friend on mine

So come on, oh come on, oh come on

It is so cool to listen to all three songs and piece together the story of a man whose intense jealousy evolves into murder.

Sweet Tweets

Another reason to stay up late: Twitter.

Yes, I am officially tweeting on Twitter. The best thing about it? I can post updates from my phone just by texting and receive text updates from awesome people, including... you guessed it... The Killers. And yes, it really is Brandon, Dave, Mark, and Ronnie tweeting. So that rocks. 

So, you wanna know what I am up to all the time? Check out my Sweet Tweet box over there on the side and be sure to follow me! 

Happy Tweeting! 

Come Rushing Over Me

I just can't resist putting the lyrics to another song by The Killers as my note. There's just something about their songs that fills my heart to the point that it might burst. I have so much love for this band and their music. Their songs take me to a place I want and need to be and they really do help me get through the best and worst of times. I am so grateful for the infinite power of music. It has inspired me to seek out what is truly good, and that is why I believe The Killers have changed my life.  

I came across a video of The Killers singing "Tidal Wave", a bonus track off of their new album Day and Age. The story behind this video is that during their concert in Boulder, Colorado in January, the mics went out. Instead of causing everything to come to a complete halt, Brandon and Dave performed "Tidal Wave" acoustic. It's beautiful.

It's moments like these that make me love The Killers even more. I really can't wait until September 26 when I get to see them myself. 

Watch video

He’s always trouble with his noncomplacent 
Shotgun eyes, shotgun eyes 
His subtlety, his mystery 
Not like the other guys 

She’s always taken by his reputation 
He’s so bad, he’s so bad 
On Saturday night, they’re running for the shadows 

You say your heart ain’t ever been broken 
You think you know where you’re going 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 
You say this life has given you nothing 
You got another thing coming 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 

He’ll get a warning sign to keep his distance 
From her old man, from her old man 
Now the story of forbidden love 
Has gotta make a stand 

So in the middle of the early morning 
They’ll slip away, slip away 
And we know they’ll do their best 
Somewhere in the golden west 

Oh yeah, and we’ll watch them drive 
They’re so alive 

You say your heart ain’t ever been broken 
You think you know where you’re going 
Tidal wave 
Tidal wave come rushing over me, 
You say this life has given you nothing 
You got another thing coming 
Tidal wave, 
Tidal wave come rushing over me 
Tidal wave 

These tidal waves are caught off track,
Come tomorrow, cause I can’t go back 
All together, can’t you see 
Tidal wave gonna cover me. 
These tidal waves are caught off track, 
Come tomorrow, cause I can’t go back 
Come together, can’t you see 
Tidal wave gonna cover me. 

Cover me 
I can’t go back 
Can’t you see 

Night Owl

I have discovered recently that I never want to go to bed, but I love to sleep. This is a dilemma. What I hate the most is the mere act of getting ready for bed. It is quite annoying to me that I have to do so much before I can climb into my blissfully beautiful bed (oh, fancy pants). Ever since I got braces it has been a constant battle against the ever-so-important need to floss. It takes three times as long for me to floss than it does a normal person, and once the flossing is over it takes me three times as long to brush my teeth than it does a normal person. I have to count ten times per tooth section with an electric toothbrush... that's top and bottom. It's not like I have to do that, but I have this overwhelming fear of what will happen if I don't. I really want my teeth to look good underneath once all the metal comes off. I don't want it to be like opening a two-year-old casket... it may look decent on the outside, but you really don't want to see what's on the inside. So I floss a lot, and I brush my teeth a lot. I brush at least 7 times a day. And yes, I am sick of it.

Another thing that keeps me up at night is that I love to watch TV downstairs in our family room. Sometimes I fall asleep while watching TV for a wonderful 30 minutes, but then wake up only to discover that I have to go upstairs to bed. By the time I get up there, I feel awake. So then I get on the computer to kill some time and that makes me even more awake. 

Then there's the fear of having to wake up in the morning. It's on Saturday nights when I feel this the most. You know why? Because the next day I have to teach Primary. And they're five-year-olds. It has it's rewards. There's nothing more precious than little children... climbing up the walls, jumping off of the furniture, and telling you to lean in to hear a secret only to have them scream in your ear. That wasn't funny, Rachel. 

Another thing that keeps me up is my recent diagnosis of Pleurisy. My Mac dictionary gives this description of it: inflammation of the pleurae (in the lungs), which impairs their lubricating function and causes pain when breathing. Even more simply put: constant left-sided chest pain. I have had it for at least a month now and I am hoping there is a light at the end of this tunnel. The doc has me on two types of medication: a beta-blocker and an anti-inflammatory, which might account for me being sleepy during the day but wide awake at night when the hoot owls are out. Who-who knows. 

This is Night Owl, signing off. Goodnight, world.

I've Carried It Well

It never fails. Songs by The Killers always fit my life and how I view the world. Whenever I hear "Sweet Talk" I am reminded of the struggles I face in my life, and how during these times I always look outward and heavenward. For those who don't know, the lead singer of The Killers, Brandon Flowers, is LDS. I get the feeling that Brandon wrote this song with a particular person in mind. This song seems like a prayer for guidance.  

Lift me up on my honor

Take me over this spell
Get this weight off my shoulders
I've carried it well
Loose these shackles of pressure
Shake me out of these chains
Lead me not to temptation

Hold my hand harder
Ease my mind
Roll down the smoke screen
And open the sky

Let me fly
Man I need a release from
This troublesome mind
Fix my feet when they’re stumbling
And well you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Dig me out from this thorn tree
Help me bury my shame
Keep my eyes from the fire
They can’t handle the flame
Grace cut out from my brothers
When most of them fell
I've carried it well

Let me fly
Man I need a release from
This troublesome mind
Fix my feet when they’re stumbling
I guess you know it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes

Now hold on
I’m not looking for sweet talk
I’m looking for time
Top a tower and sleep walk
Brother, cause it hurts sometimes
You know it's gonna bleed sometimes
Hold on

You know its gonna hurt sometimes
When you call me
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on

I’m gonna climb that symphony home and make it mine
Let his resonance light my way
See, all these pessimistic sufferers tend to drag me down
So I could use it to shelter what good I’ve found.

This song is owned by The Killers. I do not own the rights to this song. I put together the video for listening purposes only. I hope you fall in love with The Killers and discover more of their music for yourself. Listen and be inspired.